Saturday

The Turd Burger Axiom

I need to get this on record once and for all: There are certain things - foods, activities, movies, etc. and so on - that I'm pretty sure I won't like based on my past experiences, and therefore, I do not make any attempt to experience such things. Doubly so, I despise others' attempts to get me to try said things despite the fact that I have said "no" more than once. You know what I'm talking about. "Oh c'mon...how do you know you won't like it if you've never tried it?"

To that I shall from this day forward reply with this:

"Well, ok. I'll try [whatever it is] if you come over to my house tonight for turd burgers. What is a turd burger you ask? A turd burger is just like a hamburger, but instead of ground beef, I will be grilling up some freshly shat poop. GROSS?? How do you know? Have you ever HAD a turd burger? How do you know you won't like it if you don't at least try it?"

This is the "Turd Burger Axiom".

I will stipulate that you will not like a turd burger based on your past experiences with poo regardless of how awesome I might think turd burgers are if you will stipulate that I will not like [whatever "it" is] based on my past experiences regardless of how awesome you think it is.

And then we will both understand that we all like and dislike different things and that's okay. I don't have to like something that you like and you don't have to like something that I like.

And the Universe is back in harmony once more.

Friday

I get emails...

...from people who are obviously not aware of my political ideology. Take for example this gem that just made its way into my inbox:


After reading the following historical facts,
read the part about Switzerland, twice.


A LITTLE GUN HISTORY
In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control... From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded
up and exterminated.


------------------------------

In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1..5 millionArmenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and
exterminated.


------------------------------

Germany established gun control in 1938 and from 1939 to 1945, a totalof 13 million Jews, and others who were unable to defend themselves, were
rounded up and exterminated.


------------------------------
China established gun control in 1935. >From 1948 to 1952, 20 millionpolitical dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and
exterminated

------------------------------

Guatemala established gun control in 1964. >From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and
exterminated..


------------------------------

Uganda established gun control in 1970. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated


------------------------------

Cambodia established gun control in 1956. From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

-----------------------------


Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Centurybecause of gun control: 56 million!


------------------------------

You won't see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information.

Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens

Take note, my fellow Americans, before it's too late!

The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind them of this history lesson.

With guns, we are 'citizens.'


Without them, we are 'subjects'.

During WWII the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED!

If you value your freedom, please spread this anti-gun control message to all of your friends.

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more
important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.


SWITZERLAND ISSUES EVERY HOUSEHOLD A GUN!


SWITZERLAND'S GOVERNMENT TRAINS EVERY ADULT THEY ISSUE A RIFLE.


SWITZERLAND HAS THE LOWEST GUN RELATED CRIME RATE OF ANY CIVILIZED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!!


IT'S A "NO-BRAINER"!


DON'T LET OUR GOVERNMENT WASTE MILLIONS OF OUR TAX DOLLARS IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE ALL LAW ABIDING CITIZENS AN EASY TARGET.

I'm a firm believer of the 2nd Amendment!


If you are too,
please forward this message.


Just think how CONTROLLING our government is BECOMING!


They think these other countries just didn't do it right.


Learn from history!


One question that came to mind while reading this was:

"Just who does the author of this email anticipate being 'rounded up and executed' in this country in the next few years if stricter gun control laws are enacted and enforced?"

Christians? Conservatives? White people? Who?

Aside from that ray of stupidity, I love the logic in this email. I've decided to use this to make another "fact" based conclusion.

In 1956, the government enacted the Federal-Aid Highway Act of 1956, which established the National Interstate System.

Since 1975, over 40,000 people have been executed by automobile accidents annually resulting in the deaths of more than 1.36 million citizens.

Don't let the government build more roads - they are killing people.

See how that works.

F$%king Idiots...

It would seem folks over at Worldnut Daily(no linky-linky to them) are metaphorically shitting themselves (some of them are probably literally shitting themselves too) over some jag-off who is selling "Obama flags" on eBay. Here is the offending materiél:



This is stupid, and not very patriotic. I will agree. That flag is also very contradictory to the U.S. Flag Code, which is NOT LAW just code. I'll tell what else I think is stupid and unpatriotic - tea stained, and thus desecrated flags available for just under $75 dollars...where? You guessed it!



ASS!

My thoughts

This is from an email exchange that I've been having this morning with a friend regarding Obama's winning the Nobel Peace Prize, which I am admittedly happy about. But I don't think we need to declare a national holiday and go dancing in the streets. Here is what I had to say earlier:

I could give a shit less about all of this...the thing that I’m hoping for is that the right (Fox and the like) will get so fucking hyperbolically busy shitting in their cereal about this award that they will start concentrating on how this is some sort of global conspiracy to make George W. Bush look bad (which he did a pretty good job of that himself), and they will stop spreading misinformation and flat out lying about health care reform. Then perhaps we can actually get something done about it.

It’s like when I was a kid and I was trying to do something and my dog wouldn’t let me alone: I would get one of his toys and start playing with it myself making him jealous. Then after a bit I would let him get it from me and he would go away feeling super proud and making a big spectacle of the fact that he now had the toy and he would leave me alone so I could get whatever I was trying to do finished.

That’s what I see here: Here Glenn, Rush, Bill, Sean...go froth at the mouth over this for awhile so we can actually get something done without you turning it into Obama wants a senior citizen genocide.


Personally, for once I'm looking forward to hearing what the right wing has to say about all of this. It's surely going to make for an interesting few weeks.

Tuesday

I feel much better about myself...

...after watching this clip from the Couric/Beck interview:



Actually, that's not true. I mean it's true in the sense that listening to Beck's attempted deflection of Couric's question makes my thoughts about going to the grocery store later tonight seem like the next greatest thing since general relativity, but I also feel an uncomfortable sense of embarrassment for Beck.

His brand of shithouse mouse insanity is truly a sight to behold.

You Win

(via encore une fois, le general)

Watch, as this American Patriot, decimates Democrats with a contraposition fortified with so much rationale that the dissertation renders itself logically impenetrable.



Obama = ACORN ; Democrat = IDIOT Q.E.D.

(And no, not quantum electrodynamics - I'm sure he's waiting for his next you tube video to tackle that brain bender.)

To top it off, this man further demoralizes me, Idiot Democrat, by acknowledging his stutter and then inviting me to poke fun at it. In doing so, he removes the impetus driving the one thing more than any other that I would have proffered as a counter to his assertion that Obama is ACORN - my ability to fall back on grammar school bullying to make a point.

Anyone can say, "Prove it." or "Do you have any evidence to back up your claim that Obama is ACORN?", but those arguments are predictable and someone of such magnificent genius as this fellow in the video above more than likely has thousands of hours of Glenn Beck Tivoed that he would no doubt reference as proof of his claim.

However, by acknowledging his stutter he undercuts the only argument that could stand a chance against his superior induction skills, which also happens to be the argument I would have relied on to cast doubt into the minds of the millions of Idiot Democrats who will no doubt switch party affiliation after watching this masterpiece of expostulation:

"If one stutters, one is lying."

I'll be slinking off to the corner now to cry myself back to sleep.

ATTN: Fellow NWO Members...

(via le general)

Dude was put here for two things, chewin' bubblegum and kickin' butt, and he's on his last piece of chewin' gum.



Oi vey! This guy is like a cyborg hybrid of Gilbert Gottfried and Dolly Parton that runs on crystal meth and chewing tobacco. Oh....and bubblegum.


"You'd be better off tippin' (or ticklin') a tiger's butt in a phone booth than to come screw with an American patriot!"



UPDATE: This is like a car wreck...I know I shouldn't be staring, but I just can't stop.