Friday Afternoon Fun...

The week is ovaaahhh!!!

The first time I have ever laughed when it comes to that stupid fucking paper clip (via Shakesville):

This one goes out to Mama Tribe (Neil is her favorite!!!):

That was funny!

This one has been out there for awhile, but in case you missed it:

F%ck, F$%kity, F%&k, F**k, F@ck - and suck my b@lls:

It's juvenile, but admit it - you laughed!

Peace out and have a gravy weekend!


For Those Who Claim...

...That the founding fathers were all Christians - for those who claim that a good fraction, if not half, of the signers of the Declaration attended seminary (???), for those who claim that the founding fathers intended this to be a Christian nation, and especially for those who push so hard to have their religious concepts (or more accurately, MISconceptions) instituted as a part of Constitutional law - I leave you with a thought and dare you to challenge it:

"And here without anger or resentment I bid you farewell. Sincerely wishing, that as men and Christians, ye may always fully and uninterruptedly enjoy every civil and religious right; and be, in your turn, the means of securing it to others; but that the example which ye have unwisely set, of mingling religion with politics, may be disavowed and reprobated by every inhabitant of America."

Who wrote that you ask? Thomas Paine - one of your "CHRISTIAN" Founding Fathers. He wrote that in response to a testimony from a small group of Quakers, who claimed it a sin for the Whigs to take up arms against the British occupiers and requested that the militias stand down.

Claiming that certain religious dogma should bear any merit in the interpretation of Constitutional law outside that of what are the natural rights of man (as defined by the founding fathers), is not only insulting to those who do not share your religious opinion, such a claim shows nothing but utter contempt for the very document you wish to see these opinions incorporated with.

I now bid you farewell with one more quote from Mr. Paine that echoes my sentiment regarding this matter:

"The Writer of this, is one of those few, who never dishonors religion either by ridiculing, or cavilling at any denomination whatsoever. To God, and not to man, are all men accountable on the score of religion."

Peace, bitchez!


Faux and Friends & Colbert's Endorsement...

I've made no secret of my unfathomable disdain for the morning "infotainment" show "Fox and Friends". The myriad of mind-numbing topics and dialogues that take place between the three hosts border somewhere between horribly abysmal and utterly incomprehensible. In the past, I made the claim that I've heard more lucid conversations occur after waking up under a beer pong table on the fourth morning after a three day drinking binge. At this point, I don't think that is an adequate enough description of just how awful this show is, but for now it'll have to do.

Think that is a tad extreme? Well, let's look at some of the more delightful rhetoric from some recent "episodes" (Rather than post huge blocks of other peoples' commentary, I'll post headlines from/links to Newshounds and you can check them out - essentially, I'll Post - You Decide! Snicker...):

Kilmeade Resorts to Hate Language Regarding Rosie, Calling Her the Loosed Lipped Lesbian, Rosie O'Donnell.

Fox & Friends Make Fun of Sheryl Crow, Praise Karl Rove

(Yeah, If you read that last link your eyes didn't deceive you, one of those dimwits actually praised Rove's dancing, which is scary as hell in and of itself! In case you have no idea what I'm referring to, watch this clip at your own risk!:)

One more should get my point across,

Fox & Friends Now Attacking Obama for Schooling

I'll let Jon Stewart weigh in on this one (via Crooks and Liars).

Now to the actual point: You know you are truly "winning at life" whenever Stephen Colbert praises you with an homage:

Love it! To quote a line from Sponge Bob Square Pants- "When it comes to brightness..." these three "...are about a three-watt."

(Update: I am starting a permanent "List of Suck" regarding the bile that this trio runs off on a daily basis - I will continuously update this post - STARTING NOW!):


Kilmeade Says Heather Mills Might Be "A Witch"

4-30-2007 (Good Grief Edition)

Fox News Sinks to New Low, Repeatedly Reports Parody Story as Actual News

Sen. John Kerry Kicks Some Ass...

via Bob Geiger at the Smirking Chimp...


“Dick Cheney’s attacks on Harry Reid are as disturbing as they are disingenuous. He is the American Idol of outlandish claims. No one has been more wrong about Iraq from day one than Vice President Cheney. The Cheney Doctrine has been a recipe for disaster in Iraq that has put American troops in unforgivable danger and made America less secure.

"The Vice President has only been consistent in his miscalculations and misdirection. I could hardly believe my ears when the Vice President had the nerve to accuse Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of being uninformed. This is the same man who claimed that we would be greeted as liberators in Iraq and that the Iraqi insurgency was in its last throes, when in fact the civil war was growing. It is time for the Vice President to return to his secure, undisclosed location to rejoin his neocon friends rather than attack the Majority Leader who is fighting to keep faith with American troops.”

The only thing a comparative paean like myself can add is a huge digital "HELL YEAH!!!!!"


A quick thought...

Well, either things are really starting to look bad for conservatives these days, or all of their megalomaniac mouthpieces are taking their cues from some uber demigod of conservative punditry. Since I've awoke this morning (about 6:15), I've seen at least three occasions of different conservative talk show hosts, bloggers, or pundits bitching about George Soros and his thin (I say thin - I should probably say non-existant!) connection to the media watchdog group, Media Matters for America! Seriously, is there nothing else to talk about?

1) Bill O' uses a nine minute segment (h/t C&L) to discuss the issue without quoting any print sources other than HIS OWN BOOK! That's funny enough in and of itself.

2) Melanie Morgan goes completely off the handle (again) by calling MM "left wing Nazis" (MMFA via FDL).

3) Back to O'Reilly's show, conservative author Phil Kent claims that Soros funds Muslim terrorists.? Again, piles of evidence to support that statement. (h/t Newshounds)

WTF? Seriously guys, can't you find anything else the left is doing to whine about - you resort to attacking a little-known billionaire philanthropist who happens to have a progressive ideology. And for Crap's sake Bill, you have the nerve to bitch about Soros' donations to Democratic candidates. Someone has to give them money - the rest of us can't afford to do it anymore seeing as how were paying near record high gas prices in order to inflate the already record profits of the companies that give most of their political contributions to candidates that make you feel tingly down there.

(Update: Go here to find more examples of right-wing attack jobs on Soros. The pros are much better at this than me.)


Dumb Asses...

That is about the only phrase that adequately describes the two people who came up with this idea (via C&L):

"History will be made today when Copperas Cove resident Bill Thomas and his wife, Georgia, present President George W. Bush with a Purple Heart at the Oval Office."

To quote TRex from FDL:

"There are times when it feels like the sheer preposterousness of what one is seeing and hearing may actually open a hole in the space-time continuum and we will all be crushed to our component atoms in a universe-imploding Black Hole of Suck."

This is certainly one of those times.

This may be the last post...

...I write for a while because my fucking head just exploded! Well, at least that is what it felt like when I read Bill "PNAC" Kristol's comments (I was voting for the "Outrageous Quote of the Week" over at Newshounds) from Faux News Sunday, April 22. Here's the quote that started the whole brain fracture I just experienced:

“What Harry Reid said is much more disgraceful than anything Trent Lott said, and I do think Democrats should ask Harry Reid to step down.”

In case you're wondering what Reid said that damn near caused the conservative world to spin off its axis, it's this (paraphrased): That Democrats would "pick up" seats if Republicans continue to support Da Prez on Iraq. I know - horrifying!

To refresh your memory, this is what Trett Lott said that, in Kristol's mind, is not as bad as what Reid said. (Remember, Bill Kristol is fucking insane!):

From CNN:

"I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years, either," Lott said at last week's party.

And what is so bad about that you ask, well keep reading:

Thurmond ran as the presidential nominee of the breakaway Dixiecrat Party in the 1948 presidential race against Democrat Harry Truman and Republican Thomas Dewey. He carried Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi and his home state of South Carolina, of which he was governor at the time.

During the campaign, he said, "All the laws of Washington and all the bayonets of the Army cannot force the Negro into our homes, our schools, our churches."

Thurmond's party ran under a platform that declared in part, "We stand for the segregation of the races and the racial integrity of each race."

Holy shit!!! That kind of takes "being a conservative means never having to say your sorry" to a whole new stratosphere.

Okay, so this is just more proof that Bill is totally bat-shit. I should have just laughed and went back to working, but I wasn't satisfied. I said to myself, "I have to see the entire context of that conversation - there has to be more to it than that - I've heard more coherent ramblings from drunk hillbillies on a two week meth bender." Well, there wasn't, but what I did find is what actually caused the virtual explosion (from Politico):

Gingrich said the Senate majority leader’s comments—that Democrats would pick up seats if Republicans continue to support President Bush on the war in Iraq—were “as shallow, as cynical and as contemptible a statement as any national leader has made.”

"Awwhh FUCK!...Again?" ----> My immediate reaction. Newt, just STFU already about other peoples' comments. In case any of you out there think I'm being hyperbolic about Newt's past:

'Nuff said.



What the hell is Newt Gingrich talking about in this clip (go to C&L and download)?

You went — you said, "I want to say to the elite of this country, the elite news media, the liberal academic elite, the liberal political elite — I accuse you in Littleton (speaking of Columbine) of being afraid to talk about the mess you've made and being afraid to take responsibility for the things you have done, and instead foisting on the rest of us pathetic banalities because you don't have the courage to look at the world you have created."

Really Newt? Thirty-five years of liberalism are to blame for the recent VA Tech tragedy because we liberals have created an atmosphere in which we don't take responsibility for the things we have done? Wow! You got some huge ones, Newt!

He goes on to say:

"Yes, I think the fact is, if you look at the amount of violence we have in games that young people play at 7, 8, 10, 12, 15 years of age, if you look at the dehumanization, if you look at the fact that we refuse to say that we are, in fact, endowed by our creator, that our rights come from God, that if you kill somebody, you're committing an act of evil."

Yeah, cause the main crux of the anti-life, atheist, queer-loving, flag-burning, America-hating movement that is liberalism is to encourage little kids to play violent video games and tell them that it's okay to kill real people in the same way. You caught us.

"Well, who has created a situation ethics, essentially, zone of not being willing to talk about any of these things. Let me carry another example. I strongly supported Imus being dismissed, but I also think the very thing he was dismissed for, which is the use of language which is stunningly degrading of women..."

Oh how I love it when one of these assholes open their mouths and out comes something about ethics. Newt, let's look at the "zone" of ethics from your life (from Salon Newsreal):

The most notorious incident in Gingrich's marriage -- first reported by David Osborne in Mother Jones magazine in 1984 -- was when he cornered Jackie in her hospital room where she was recovering from uterine cancer surgery and insisted on discussing the terms of the divorce he was seeking.


Shortly after that infamous encounter, Gingrich refused to pay his alimony and child-support payments. The First Baptist Church in his hometown had to take up a collection to support the family Gingrich had deserted.


How 'bout a grand finale Newtie (from the NYT)?

Former Speaker Newt Gingrich acknowledged that he was having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against President Bill Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky matter.


Yeah, you conservatives really got your shit together when it comes to ethics.


Friday Afternoon Fun...

Well, the sucktastic weather has finally moved on, and we have been graced with the first nice day in what seems like an eternity...So let's have some Friday afternoon fun before we all get snookered.

I saw this clip earlier today. I wish we could all be like this little dude (except for having to wear a diaper).

Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and throw out a warning about this next clip: The first time I watched this, I found it very disturbing - then I watched it again - and again - and again, by the last time, I was laughing my ass off. What the hell is going on here?

I told you that was disturbing!

Is Stewie a racist?

Chris Rock on the presidential elections:

And finally, some Aqua Teen Hunger Force - this one goes out to the city of Boston:

Peace out and have a good weekend...I'm going outside!

Make the Hurt Stop!!!

We all know Da Preznit isn't exactly the most proficient orator to lead the most powerful nation in the world. As of late, however, it seems that "W" is really starting to struggle with the concept of "talk". Check out this Youtube clip via Atrios:

A couple of thoughts (earmuff the kids!!!):

- It's really fucking nice to see that the Prez is willing to use his "Constitutional" authority to veto a war spending bill that an overwhelming majority of the country wants to see passed. Here's my problem: Since when in the fucking hell has "W" ever given a shit about the Constitution. This craptastic bullshit is really starting to make my blood boil. This fucking guy has shown nothing but abject contempt for the Constitution, then he goes and touts the very authority that sacred document gives him like some kid who got put in charge of the class while the teacher goes to the restroom. Somebody out to clue boywonder into the fact that the Constitution also gives Congress the "authority" to steel toe his ass back to Texas if they so chose.

- What's this shit about his meeting with Pelosi and Reid being cordial. Thanks for pointing that out Georgie, cause I was under the assumption that you three were having a steel cage death match. Shouldn't it be kind of implicit that a meeting between three of the most powerful people in the country is "cordial"? Of course, if the past has anything to teach us about how you and yours treat people who aren't considered "loyal Bushies", I can see how the implicitness of cordiality might lose some merit.

To wit:


- As for the differences between Iraq and Vietnam: Well fuck yeah there are a lot of differences when it comes to geography you fucking twit. Oh yeah, the Iraqis approved a "modern" constitution and set up a subsequent "functioning" government. That just going fucking swimmingly now, isn't it? Iraq could be the only country in the world that has a more dysfunctional government than us. Hey, here's another difference between Vietnam and Iraq: There weren't any suicide bombers in Vietnam, and we were only fighting two enemies in Nam, not the several tens if not hundreds of insurgent groups operating in Iraq.

I should stop at this point cause now I'm really starting to get pissed. Nope!

- What fucking hallucinogen is this guy on that he thinks that soldiers and their families are happy? I got other news for ya cowboy, they aren't.

Well, I'm done. I can't take any more of his craptastic-crap-filled shite. Watch the video and then write your own diatribe about Bush's comparisons between Vietnam and Iraq:



Who The F@&k Cares???

Here we go again...

CNN is now officially competing with Faux News for stories that no one other than the most far-right morons would actually care about. What ever on Earth am I talking about? Well, it would appear that John Edwards got a..................H-A-I-R-C-U-T!!!! OMG!!!!!! Check out one of the top stories on CNN web site as I am typing this:

"Edwards locks into pricey haircuts"

Say it ain't so. Actually, don't check it out - because it is a waste of fucking time.

So out goes a big thanks to CNN today - thank you for completing your conversion from the most trusted name in one of the most laughed at names in news. CNN - I have some more breaking news for you in case things get a little slow today (???) :

"BREAKING NEWS: - Obama admits to having used a MACH 3 razor!"

This just in:

"MORE BAD NEWS FOR DEMOCRATS: Al Gore uses an electric hair-dryer - Carbon foot print hypocrisy?"

I even have a new catch phrase for CNN because let's face it, they've been milking this "The Most Trusted Name in News" thing for quite a while. Here's my idea:

"CNN: Making America Dumber, One Headline At A Time"

I'll be expecting my check by no later than Friday.


Today's WTF moment brought to us by...

...These two shit-for-brain lawyers who are actually using this defense for two of Bush's goons (NY Times via Shakesville):

Lawyers for two men charged with illegally ejecting two people from a speech by President Bush in 2005 are arguing that the president’s staff can lawfully remove anyone who expresses points of view different from his.

SWEET JESUS!!! I can think of 56 people who just rolled over in their graves so many times they literally just power drilled their way out of their coffins.

More on War Profiteering...

If one tenth of the claims in this post are even 50% accurate, this would prove the Iraq war to be one of the greatest crimes against humanity, ever! Many of us have heard the stories about war profiteering in Iraq, seen the movie "Iraq for Sale", or asked ourselves, "Why the fuck is this administration so hell bent on staying in Iraq - despite an overwhelming disapproving sentiment of the war in this country?" Well, this post sheds yet another light on an aspect of the war that none of you will ever see in the main stream media. Apparently, staying "in country" until we "finish the job" or we are "victorious" actually means: We have such in insatiable lust for money we are willing to completely destroy one country, Iraq, and we are well on our way to destroying another, The United States.

You really gotta hand it to these guys, though. Six years ago, I'd thought it impossible for a group of people to make Caligula and crew look "not so bad", but these guys have taken [corporate] hedonism (Update: substituted for corruption) to a whole new level. And what's worse, they have done so while putting on an heir of piousness and touting their religious beliefs as the basis for their actions.

Do these people know something about religion or the universe in general that the rest of us don't - something that allows them to routinely commit such unconscionable acts and then continue on about their lives? How do they sleep at night?

Seriously, I don't get it!

Top 20 biggest wankers list...

Big oil, in particular Exxon/Mobil, proved to be the most profitable industry in the U.S. last year...Well, I'm fucking shocked! Shocked, I tell ya!!! Check out the list.

We are paying damn near $3.00 a gallon for gas on average right now, and gigantic oil conglomerates takes three of the top ten spots. A-W-E-S-O-M-E!


Classic meltdowns...

Check out this post at Shakesville today. Make sure to check out the video at the video of the page.

Keep 'em comin' Bill, you crazy butt hole.

Friday Afternoon Fun...

Another great clip from Peyton Manning's SNL appearance (via DailyMotion dot com):

Note: You have to turn the volume way up on this clip)

Uploaded by tim4902

This video has been around for awhile, but this is pretty funny! (via Shakesville):

Sounds a little bit like Bush talking about Iraq..."We're fightin' 'em over there so we don't have to fight 'em here!" Maybe this little girl should be president! We'd probably be in a lot better shape than we are now.

Next: Oh how I miss this show!

"She's super-hot and does a kick-ass Borat!"

Peace out!

Today's WTF Moment brought to us by...

Sean Hannity and disgraced former Army Col. Oliver North...gigantic 'effing surprise!!!

I know it's a little early in the day to already be claiming a WTF moment (not to mention the fact that their conversation took place last night), but these two ass clowns have really out done themselves this time. Click here and prepare for the onslaught of conservative dumbassery that is about to ensue. Thank God for Newshounds!

This story may get downgraded to an honorable mention by day's end...just wanted to call it to your attention that it's apparently okay for North to sell stockpiles of weapons to Iran, but it's not okay for Speaker Pelosi to even think about Iran, let alone have a spokesperson talk about Iran.

Yet more proof...

...That the PNAC neocons literally think they can do whatever the fuck they want, without repercussions. Paul a.k.a. "The Iraq War will pay for itself in six months" Wolfowitz has promoted his girlfriend to a new position within the hierarchy of the World Bank. From Reuters:

In a statement, the board said it found that Wolfowitz signed off on Riza's promotion and salary increase without a review by an ethics committee nor the board's chairman. The promotion came shortly after he joined the institution in 2005.

It seems like this committee is surprised that Wolfowitz "signed off" on this promotion without any ethical review. At this point, it should be abundantly clear that the word "ethics" can never be applied to any decision making process undertaken by any of these (wo)men, unless it is used to describe their total lack thereof.

So what happens when he gets busted? Well, at this point, his response falls under the totally predictable "But, I didn't know what I was doing was wrong!" category:

Wolfowitz has taken full responsibility for Riza's promotion and apologized on Thursday, saying he made a mistake in the way he handled the issue, but said he was in "uncharted waters" and still new in his job.

Ohhh! Well, okay. If you take responsibility for this egregious, unethical, and totally nepotistic promotion, then I guess we should all just stop worrying about it. We should probably cut him some slack, after all he was in "uncharted waters". Is it just me, or does that sound like the kind of excuse you would expect to hear from some high school kid who just got promoted to assistant manager at a fast food restaurant. You're the president of the World Bank for Christ's sake!

Listen, I say this all the time, but I still don't think that is saying it enough: These neocon assholes and their ideology have GOT TO GO!!! They have no respect for the Constitution, the Rights of Man, and they have no concept of morality or compassion. While the Bush is chocked full of jokes that write themselves, I think what could be one of the funniest (and saddest at the same time) was the Bush/Cheney campaign platform of "compassionate conservatism".

I was having a conversation with a very wise man (much wiser than myself!) a few days ago regarding the principles upon which this country was founded. I said that I thought the greatest single act of the founding fathers was the recognition that all men have an inherent set of personal freedoms granted to them the moment they are born unto this earth. He brought up a very interesting point that I think all of us, especially young people, have overlooked: While the founding fathers did believe in inherent personal freedom, they also realized that with those freedoms comes an equally if not more important inherent personal responsibility to oneself and society. So, while the evidence mounts that the neocons don't believe in personal freedom, it should come as no surprise that they also don't understand the concept of personal responsibility, which in my sophomoric translation mean this: If you are continuously fucking shit up, you should probably quit fucking doing whatever it is that is causing shit to be fucked up!

I'm not going to hold my breath.

UPDATE: While in the shower after posting this rant this morning, I had a flashback: Remember anything special about Wolfowitz last visit to a mosque in Turkey???

I do!!!

(h/t Wonkette)

"Even guys who start endless wars everywhere are still vaguely human, at least in the sense of having limbs and feet and such. That’s the charming message of this photo montage from the Associated Press, which shows Neocon All Star Paul Wolfowitz at a mosque in Turkey, where he was meeting with extremists to plan new attacks on America. Best known for grooming his hair with his own saliva, today’s photo shows his personal habits are no better on the other end."

Hahahaha! L-O-V-E I-T! Apparently, running the World Bank isn't the only time that Paul has found himself in "uncharted waters"!


Another White House hit, Part Deux...

Now it would seem that the White House is losing emails quicker than the American people are losing confidence in the Da Prez, which accordingly, I pretty damn quick. From WaPo:

Administration officials said they could offer no estimate of how many e-mails were lost but indicated that some may involve messages from White House senior adviser Karl Rove, whose role in the firings has been under scrutiny by congressional Democrats.

Democrats have charged that Rove and other officials may have used the private accounts, set up through the Republican National Committee, in an effort to avoid normal review. Under federal law, the White House is required to maintain records, including e-mails, involving presidential decision-making and deliberations. White House aides' use of their political e-mail accounts to discuss the prosecutor firings has also fanned Democratic accusations that the actions were politically motivated.

I'm going to go ahead and throw the bullshit flag here. How many times are these guys going to get caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar, and then be given ample time and opportunity to clean up whatever the current mess is, only to be able to claim that they don't recall or recollect ANYTHING from the event(s) in question? Seriously, any fifth grader can get asked about something electronically unethical nowadays, and in five minutes have his/her ass covered by a few mouse clicks. It's high time the Congress just starts issuing warrants to seize this property before anyone can get their dirty little dick beaters on it.

Yet another disgracefully disgracing disgrace from the Cheney/Bush/Rove junta. Beautiful.


Another White House hit...

Well looks like we have another delicious blend of scandal and debauchery brewing in the White House coffee pot. From today's WaPo:

The slowly-unfolding disclosure that some White House aides use non-government e-mail servers to conduct official business may soon be reaching scandal proportions.

There's a surprise. Karl Rove and his minions may have been doing something that wasn't exactly on the up and up. Wow!

"A top Democratic lawmaker says outside email accounts were used in an attempt to avoid scrutiny; the White House says their purpose was to avoid using government resources for political activities, although they were used to discuss the firing of U.S. attorneys."

Personally, I don't see what the problem is. The Administration and the DoJ have already said that the firings weren't political. I mean, when are the Democrats gonna start listening? Geez! Why can't they just believe everything the White House says? The last Congress didn't have this problem.

"There are also messages to and from lobbyist Jack Abramoff, now in prison. At one point, according to investigators, after an e-mail was apparently sent by accident to the White House account of an assistant to Karl Rove, Abramoff fired another one saying, 'Damn it, it was not supposed to go in the White House system.' . . .

Whoa...Uh-oh...There's that pesky Abramoff character again. However, the President has said he doesn't recall ever meeting Jack; although, that email doesn't look real good...probably spam made up to look like it was sent from Abramoff. The president has said he doesn't use email and now I think we can believe him. When your top aides have fifty different email addresses why would you need one?

...a White House spokesman, Scott Stanzel, in a statement, called the use of different computers to have the separate e-mail account for political activities, 'appropriate, modeled after the historical practice of previous administrations.'"

I'm getting pretty fucking tired of this "but they did it too...Waahhh!" attitude these clowns have been copping about these latest scandals. "...Modeled after the historical practice of previous administrations." That's fucking rich, considering there has only been one other administration in the oval office since email has become one of the primary means of communication. I doubt Nixon and Ford's aides were pinging emails back and forth with convicted felons.

I'd suggest reading the entire article. A quick thought: If these assholes would expend as much energy in fighting the war on terror, fixing social security, Iraq, rebuilding New Orleans, Iraq, working on affordable health care, improving the educational system, and Iraq as they do covering their own asses and securing their political futures, the country would be in much better shape.


Today's WTF Moment brought to us by...

Zhang, who apparently isn't as slim as she would like to be after drinking a "Tibetan miracle tea".

And we thought we had problems in the U.S:

BEIJING (Reuters) - A famous Chinese comic has been sued by a diet-tea drinker who accused him of making false claims in an ad for "Tibetan Secret Fat Elimination Tea," Xinhua news agency said Tuesday.

A Beijing court accepted a suit from a plaintiff surnamed Zhang, claiming she was cheated by Guo Degang who advertised the tea with the claim that he had lost 3 kg (6.6 lb) since drinking the "miraculous Tibetan tea."

His slogan -- "No big belly after three boxes of tea" -- soon became a popular catch phrase.

"Zhang is seeking an apology and damages of 172 yuan ($22) from Guo, the tea producer, a sales agency and the advertising company with a claim that they are guilty of commercial fraud.

In his defense, Guo said he found the tea was "pretty good" because he became much slimmer after drinking it.

"Zhang said she bought three boxes of tea because she was a fan of Guo, but found she lost no weight at all and suffered nausea and vomiting," Xinhua said.

She later learned from a China Central Television program on World Consumer Rights Day in March that the tea had nothing to do with Tibet.


R U F'IN kidding?

Mitt Romney finally must have had the final neo-con implant surgery recently. He is starting to act like a good little trooper. To parrot Myers/Poehler, Really, Mitt? Really? We already spend more money on defense than 55% of the planet combined, and you think we should beefing that number up? REALLY?

More from Shakes...


Monday double-shot of dumbassery...

I'm not even going to comment on these two stories other than one involves a campaign manager for McCain who has an apparent appetite for dog, yeah d-o-g! The other is about the constant conservative dumb-assery that is part of the daily goings-on with the dipshits on Fox & Friends. Man, I really dislike those jackasses.


Holy Crap!!!

Checking Reuters this evening I came across this headline:

Occidental CEO got more than $400 million in 2006

That's a lotta loot! I almost had an Accidental BM when I read that!

And what sort of business is Occidental into, you guessed it - OIL! I had to chuckle a bit when I read that because it made me think of something else I read today:

From Newshounds:

Fox News Blames High Gas Prices On -- One Guess -- The Dems!

That headline is so farcical it's hard to even get mad about it. Take a look at this quote from today's "Bull's and Bears":

The Cost of Freedom begins now! This is Bulls & Bears!

Remember the Dems' election promises to lower gas prices? Well, whathappened? Since they've taken control of congress, nothing but more pain at the pump. Was all that just a line to get elected?

I'm sure that no one at Faux News really gives a shit, but just in case - the Democrats didn't need "a line" to take back power in 2006. A quick search on the Google for "2006 exit poll questions" would tell the "writers" over at Faux that "the Dems" won the last election because Americans are sick of the corruption that has beleaguered "the Repubs" (See, we can be really funny and original too!). Of course, that would require a bit of journalistic effort, a concept that the folks over at Faux haven't wrapped their heads around yet.


Friday Afternoon Fun...

No diatribe here...just the funny!

Will Forte from SNL rivals Farley in motivational tactics! (found via Shakesville dot com)

Da Prez (Will Ferrell) cares about the "global warmings" (from daily motion dot com)

The cute otters again...because they're that damn cute (from youtube)

And finally, the worst music video evaahhhh!!! (youtube again via the Absolute Truth)

Caution...Watch this at your own risk!!! You might want to mute the volume and just watch the stellar choreography that they apparently rehearsed for all of three minutes before filming. I hope they didn't have more than two or three cuts during this production!

Peace out and Happy Weekend!

Altemeyer on Delay...

John Dean has become a major figure in pointing out the flawed (and extremely troubling) mindset of today's "Conservatives Without Conscience". Dean has a new post up at Find Law in which he interviews Dr. Bob Altemeyer about Tom DeLay's new book.

Altemeyer dissects passages from DeLay's book and gives us a glimpse into what is going on in Tom's head.

Also, if you've been sitting around for the last few years wondering how so many people can line up lock-step behind the current administration and other members of the neo-con movement given their propensity towards all things un-American, I would definitely pick up Dean's book.

Dick proves he is just that...

There is an article by Reuters today about Dick Cheney's views on Speaker Pelosi's much discussed (may I add with the normal condescension that MSM has for anything resembling Democratic principle) trip this week. And, as usual, the VP proves once again that he has so lost touch with reality and the spirit of America that any hopes he may someday see the light are at best futile. Cheney, speaking with everyone's favorite a-hole Rush "Oxycontin" Limbaugh, had this to say of the Speaker's trip:

"The president is the one who conducts foreign policy, not the speaker of the House."

You see DICK, that is where I'm going to disagree with you for this reason:

  • The president doesn't have the slightest clue as to what foreign policy is. As I mentioned in a previous post, you just don't ignore and/or snub countries because you don't like what they do - that is what adolescents do when they're mad at their peers. How would the Cold War have turned out if the U.S. and the Soviet Union completely ignored each other, but continuously raced to build up military powers capable of destroying the world several times over?

"It was a non-statement, nonsensical statement and didn't make any sense at all that she would suggest that those talks could go forward as long as the Syrians conducted themselves as a prime state sponsor of terror," the vice president said on the Rush Limbaugh radio show.

DICK, everything you say is a nonsensical statement because every time you open your mouth you spew out nothing but lies. Nonsensical, that's funny enough coming from the guy who still claims that Iraq was in bed with al-Qaeda leading up to 9/11, even after the Pentagon itself has released a report to the contrary.

"I think it is, in fact bad behavior on her part. I wish she hadn't done it," Cheney said. "Fortunately I think the various parties involved recognize she doesn't speak for the Untied States in those circumstances, she doesn't represent the administration."

Well, here we go again with the misogynistic horseshit...Like he's admonishing a child for acting up in church. It's high fucking time the Administration starts taking Pelosi seriously and realizes that Denny a.k.a. "The Cover Up Kid" (no pun intended...okay, yes it was!) Hastert isn't running the "rubber stamp" show anymore. As for the parties "...involved recognizing she doesn't speak for the United States...", who would that be??? Oh yeah, one party...Israel. And if that claim is so, then why in the hell would they even attempt to have her pass along a message of any kind...why not just let her continue with her trip? At least DICK got one thing right...Nancy Pelosi sure as hell doesn't represent the administration! She represents the people of the United States, of which more than 60% think you guys are total fuck ups.

(A side thought: If the major networks/cable would change out prime time television for the coverage of world events and politics for one week, I wonder how much higher that number would be?)

My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.

-Thomas Paine

DICK, maybe you and your PNAC buddies should think about revisiting your history books once in a while. This country was founded on a set of principles that are the essential antithesis of everything for which you stand. The American dream isn't about provoking conflicts and screwing the poor in order to make you and your pompous asshole friends filthy rich, it's about making sure that every (wo)man has an equal say in determining their own future and how they chose to live their ENORMOUS DICK(head)!

Meglomania, xenophobia, mild psychosis...

I realize it's not good to constantly pick on someone who has such serious mental problems; however, until Bill O' realizes that he is disturbed and needs help, we have to point out his batshit-craziness. This time his target is Geraldo:

From Crooks and Liars:

These two almost went fist-a-cuffs. As big a jackass as Geraldo is, he makes some good points about Billy's disdain for all brown people.


Today's WTF Moment brought to us by...

Retired school nurse and soon to be former substitute teacher Ruth Ann Stoneburner, who decided to show those jaw-flappin' kindergarteners where the bear shits by buttoning their mouths shut with spring-loaded clothespins. Congrats Ruth Ann, you win twice today...the WTF Moment and the most sadistic little old lady ever award. PSYCHO!

"W", meet foreign policy, foreign policy, meet "W"...

Pay attention Georgie, this is how things get done:

Like this...and like this...and this...YAY!!!! You see, people tend to like not being completely ignored. So why don't we start acting like an adult, and not some high school kid who is mad at his best friend because he saw his friend holding hands with the girl he really likes.

Snubbing another nation is not a form of foreign's a form of dickheadedness. Foreign policy requires engaging foreigners, even the ones who don't make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!


I wonder if King George will put the U.S. on the list of countries that support state sponsored terrorism. I heard this story on The Young Turks yesterday, and now it has been reported by ABC News. Of course, the right has already tried to justify this egregiously un-American action claiming it's acceptable because "the enemy of my enemy is my ally." From the ABC News article:

Pakistani government sources say the secret campaign against Iran by Jundullah was on the agenda when Vice President Dick Cheney met with Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf in February.

Hmmmm! Dick Cheney set this up? Anyone else see a pattern emerging...

Donny and his former BFF.

Two Enormous Surprises...

Okay, not really. A double shout out to Conservative dumb-assery this morning:

Once again, Da Preznit shows nothing but absolute contempt for the United States Congress.

And, hold on to your hats...Newt admits that "ghetto" may have been a poor word to use. No shit Newt, who said:

"But my point was simply this -- in the United States, it is important to speak the English language well in order to advance and have success," he said. "This is an expression of support for Latinos, not an attack on their language. I have never believed that Spanish is a language of people of low incomes, nor a language without beauty."

Holy backpedal Batman!

Un momento, Newt. You can claim to believe whatever the hell you want, but you have shown once again, that you are a hypocritical, misogynistic, elitist, bigoted asshole - and you always will be.


To all those who claim...

...that every news network other than Faux Noise has a liberal bias...

Blow it out your effin' asses!!!

I have linked to CNN in the past because I am lazy; however, I'm done with those a-holes. I wonder how the right would respond if CNN were to ever display the graphics suggest by SilentPatriot?

Fox & Friends...

These fucking idiots are really starting to piss me off. I make no secret of my hatred for things that are so unfathomably obtuse, one has to literally make him/herself dizzy and then bash one's head off a wall several times, just to be able to comprehend said situation. This is the situation in which I have recently found myself when reading about Fox & fucknuts. Today however, in my opinion, this set of jackasses has now reached a previously unknown (and previously believed to be unattainable) state of mental atrophy. After just now forgetting the brainless orgasmic schadenfreude they displayed over the completely untrue "Obama madrassa" story (Jon Stewart weighs in), I check out Newshounds this morning to find this exercise in mental greatness:

'W Kicks Nancy's Assaud' was the headline of the NY Post that Steve Doocy read on the air to the overwhelming laughter of Judge Andrew Napolitano. Under the banner of Problems For Pelosi Doocy said that in the words of one she was over there "cavorting with the enemy." Though he didn't say who that one was. This was the overwhelming theme on Fox and Friends today.

Note: Bitchin' writing with that headline, New York Post - hilarious.

Doocy repeated that Syria was a state sponsor of terror. Camarota asked if just anyone could go over and negotiate with Syria, just leapfrog the administration and what their policy is. She said she asked her good friend the judge, (Judge Andrew Napolitano was filling in for Kilmeade in the first hour of Fox and Friends).

The judge said that the president was the sole organ of foreign policy. He said she could go there as Nancy Pelosi citizen and member of the House of Representatives. If she attempts to speak for or alter American foreign policy? He said absolutely not. He added that the president was right, that it has been the goal of the world to isolate them because they are a state sponsor of terror so when she brings an entourage over there (and even if that party contains Republicans) she frustrates the presidents foreign policy.

Doocy went on about her touring and wearing her head scarf. He broke to video of Bush who said they were a state sponsor of terror and were expediting foreign fighters from Syria into Iraq.

The president is "the sole organ of foreign policy"? Errr....that organ has gone into serious failure, your honor. And while she IS a member of the house, she is also the Speaker of the House of Representatives - and third in line to be president. As for it being "the goal of the world to isolate Syria" - Well, that's just bullshit. Not more than six months ago, the Iraq Study Group suggested that the United States should engage Syria in diplomatic relations, which a democratic strategist mentioned in the second hour of the show - only to have her conservative counterpart say Pelosi was undermining the president's foreign policy. Again, what foreign policy?

I almost wish I could have seen the look on Doocy's face as he read that Post headline. I'm sure he was smiling ear to ear. He gets so damn excited about bashing democrats he almost seems rabid. Of course, this could all be method acting...He may be actually reminiscing about his last encounter with the "Sloppy Cronkite".

I'm dead serious when I say this...I think myself and a group of friends could binge drink until five in the morning - take a half hour power nap - get in front of some cameras with a couple of cups of coffee - and put on a show with more mental acuteness than this bunch of clown shoes.

(Update: Yesterday, when I read that NY Post headline, I thought something looked wrong, and imagine my amazement when I discovered that the paper spelled Syrian President A-S-S-A-D's name incorrectly. Great fact checking shitheads!)


Play on playa...

From YouTube via C&L.

This is friggin' awesome...Snoop Dogg is now one of my favorite people evaaaahhhhhh!!!

I would love to see Snoop on BO's show. Greatest interview ever!!!