They're SOOOO! Classy

I'm really, really gonna miss this band of raving psychopaths currently inhabiting the Executive Branch. Not so much for their extraordinary leadership in times of adversity and hardship, but for moments like this one in which they have displayed such über-classiness indicative of what we've come to expect from world leaders.

And what does Mr. Dick "Go-Fuck-Yourself" Cheney have to say about that incident four years later (via CNN):

Cheney: Senator deserved the f-word

Vice President Dick Cheney said Sunday that Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vermont, deserved it when Cheney launched the f-word at him in 2004.

In an interview with "Fox News Sunday," Cheney was asked if he had any second thoughts or embarrassment. "No. I thought he merited it at the time," Cheney said, laughing.

Hahahahaha! He's's H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S to tell a person to "go fuck" himself in the chamber of the United States Senate.

I don't think words alone were enough, however. He should have given Leahy a wet-willie followed up by a super-atomic wedgie. (That's the one where you're forced to eat your undies at the end.) That would have really showed Pat just who the hell he decided to accuse of not playing fairly when he brought up the no-bid contracts awarded to Halliburton in Iraq to the company's former CEO who just now happens to be the Vice President of the United States and President of the Senate.

Class. Grace. Elegance. These words by themselves are not enough to describe the character of the current administration. We must come up with a new word. One that captures the all-encompassing awesomeness of the Bush/Cheney duo.

"Clasgracequence© TM". Yes, that is it. As a sort of an end of the year wrap up/tribute to the outgoing administration, let's take a look at some more displays of Bush/Cheney clasgracequence:

"Just a one-finger victory salute." Ha! Awesome!

Gnarly! He said shit to the Prime Minister of Great Britain.

So he's massaging the Chancellor of Germany. Big deal.


A little drinky drink before this interview, eh?

I'd be crying too.

Gettin' jiggy with the Librarians...I mean Liberians.

"What do you think would happen if I shot an 80-year old man in the face with this thing?"

This is what would happen: "I'm sorry my face got in the way of the Vice-President's shotgun blast."

Tricky sons-a-bitches those Segways are.

Dick is getting angry...I'd better get the frick outta here.

"C-ya, fucker...Don't come back!"

"That Dick is such a character!"

Yep. I'm gonna miss 'em.



There has been a dearth of posting the last few days. I could blame the weather, my schedule, or come up with something really exotic as to why there have been so few posts. The real reason:

The iPhone.

Yes, I now own one and the addict in me is running wild. So much so that I'm typing this post with the device right now. I can't put this thing down - well, I can put it down to sleep but that's about it.

I feel like I've been given the launch codes. No one person should be able to wield this much power in the palm of his hand. It's only been with proper daily maintainance that I can manage to not abuse this newly bestowed resbonsibility.

I'm not copping out behind the iPhone as an excuse. I am the reason there has been the lack of activity; however, this device is not doing much In the way of remedying that. I will try to get better.

In the meantime, think about this: there are still people out there who can't view HTML with their cell phones!

Digital pedestrians.


More Good News

(via CNN)

Ice melting across globe at accelerating rate, NASA says

Please Maude, whatever you do don't say this is related to "G-W".

Between 1.5 trillion and 2 trillion tons of ice in Greenland, Antarctica and Alaska have melted at an accelerating rate since 2003, according to NASA scientists, in the latest signs of what they say is global warming.

D'oh! Dammit! Well, that automatically turns off the ears of the thirty percent of the country that still watches Faux News and listens to Rush Limbaugh.

Might as well keep going now that the damage has already been done...

Using new satellite technology that measures changes in mass in mountain glaciers and ice sheets, NASA geophysicist Scott Luthcke concluded that the losses amounted to enough water to fill the Chesapeake Bay 21 times.

Say what!?

Twenty-one times! Wow.

"The ice tells us in a very real way how the climate is changing," said Luthcke, who will present his findings this week at the American Geophysical Union conference in San Francisco(2), California(3).

Strikes two and three for any GW deniers still reading. The guy might as well announce his findings on stage at a Phish concert with a blunt hanging out of his mouth and dreadlocks in his hair.

Next on Drudge Report:

"Ultra-liberal, elitist periodical selects Islamocommunofascistohomo-flag-pisser-on-er as their person of the year."


Is this dude for real?

Here's what I imagine a conversation between myself and this guy would read like:

This fuckin' guy rambling about hammerhead head sharks and obtuse fishes and deers that haven't quite evolved to outflank fish hooks and automobiles quick enough for this fuckin' guy. I come in and say that I think evolution is the correct theory as to how life came about on this planet.

This fuckin' guy - "You're a first generation atheist."

Me - "Ummm. I don't know what that means."

This fuckin' guy - "Are you saying that your mother's a stupid retard? Are you saying your grandfather is an asshole?"

Me - "No, you must not have heard me correctly. I'm saying YOU are a stupid, retarded asshole."

This fuckin' guy - "Is that what you think of your parents and grandparents and your brothers and sisters?"

Me - "Nope. That's what I think of you."

This fuckin' guy - "Is that what you think of your family?"

Me - "NO! That is what I think of you, dammit!!"

This fuckin' guy - " only mean the people you're talkin' to on YouTube. They're effin' idiots - they're morons."

Me - "Precisely. Well, you're the idiot AND the moron."

This fuckin' guy - "You hate your own families."

Me - "Wait, what? No I don't."

This fuckin' guy - "You think you're better than your father, you're better than your mother."

Me - "Actually, what's I know is that I'm better than your mother because yo' mama so stupid she makes Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner."

Oh...snap! I win.

I will always defeat ignorance with a "your mama" joke.

Sadly, no! He is entitled to his opinion just like I'm entitled to mine.

The thing that bothers me most about all of this is that after watching this clip for the third time, I actually was able to determine how he is making a connection between someone calling him a "retard" on YouTube and his assertion that I "hate my families".

I think I'll take a break now.


The shoe throwing fiasco (incidentally, I still think it's funnier than a pay toilet in a diarrhea ward.) has apparently become quite an unifying impetus for the people of Iraq.

Iraqis urge government to free shoe-thrower

Hundreds of students at Diyala University in Baquba carried banners demanding the release of Muntadhar al-Zaidi -- described by demonstrators as an "honorable Iraqi."

Smaller protests emerged in the Anbar province city of Falluja and in two Baghdad locations -- Baghdad University in the northern part of the city and western Baghdad's Ameriya district. In those events, students also took to the streets.

Turns out he's a "uniter not a divider" after all. Hehehehe!


Damn Near...

...the dumbest argument in favor of Intelligent Design ever made...evah!

(via SadlyNo!)

A few problems with Lizzie's thought process:

1) Namely, you thought, Elizabeth. Don't do that!

2) I don't think that we can adequately compare the awesomeness of a shoe designer to something as denuded and simplistic as the entirety of Creation as you define It - regardless of the who the designer is and or was.

3) The grotesqueness of your attire in that clip automatically negates any valid points you may have made. Honestly, did you wake up that morning and say, "Hey, I think I'll personify a pack of watermelon bubble gum today."?

WTF? is going on in this picture?

(via CNN)

Please, write your own captions...

C'mon. Give pappy a little smoochie, baby.


This is farkin' hilarious. Thanks to that reporter for starting my week off on a positive splendid note.

UPDATE: It's been pointed out to me, and I'm inclined to agree, that this was in reality a pretty awful thing. The man IS still the President of the United States, and thusly should garner some respect. Also, it did take the Secret Service a really long time to respond and surround the president.

All of this notwithstanding, I still think it's funny as hell. Who throws a shoe? Honestly.


Friday Awesome!

While doing the tedious research required for that last post I came across these two "abstinence-only" websites, which I would be remiss not to link to:

Sex is for Fags!

Iron Hymen*

More proof that abstinence-only education is the only way to go. Just check out these testimonials:

Muffy P.: "OHMIGOD, like, Iron Hymen taught me to respect myself way too much to ever let some hairy creep hock man-lugies on my Godly cervix like it's some gross subway platform!"

Zach P.: "Premarital sex isn't worth it! You can catch AIDS, or cancer, or testicle weevils, or a bad body image or rickets. You know what IS worth it? Making love to Jesus. Because you can't knock Him up and He'll never ask what you're thinking – cuz He already knows!"

I wish I head a resource like this when I was growing up...testicle weevils are a real pain in the ass to get rid of.

*I'm pretty sure these two sites are brought to us by the maintainers of www dot whitehouse dot org

Forgive me...

...for having a hard time believing that Bush is twenty-two years into his sobriety.

Bush opens up on struggle with alcohol abuse

What about the cocaine abuse? We'll talk about that later I guess. He didn't inhale anyway.

What say you about all this CNN:

President Bush reflected on his own struggle with alcohol in a White House meeting Thursday that touted gains in the war on drug abuse.

First, the "war on drugs" is a fucking joke, nothing more than a scapegoat, another way to divert federal income tax funds to programs that don't work. You want to win the war on drugs - legalize them all, and tax the hell out of them. Cigarettes are just as dangerous to a person's health, and in terms of dependency, nicotine is worse than heroine. Yet, I've never heard of cigarette-related violence. What about caffeine? Have you ever robbed anyone so you could go out and get another hit of coffee?

Trust me on this: An addict is an addict is an addict. It doesn't matter if you get your drugs legally or illegally. If you are an addict, you are going to get your fix no matter what the cost, and until you realize that you need help and get really honest with yourself, you will continue to live in the grips of your disease. Okay, enough preaching - back to Crusted News for more Bush fallacy legacy talk (my bold):

CNN was the only media outlet invited to attend the entire meeting, which other reporters joined in the final minutes for remarks from the president.

Ted Turner has a boner!

Several in the room, including Don Coyhis of Colorado Springs, Colorado, who runs a program targeting Native Americans battling substance abuse, were recovered addicts or alcoholics.

Bush, who quit drinking at the age of 40, was impressed.

"Congratulations on 30 years of sobriety," the president told Coyhis. "I'm eight years behind you."

Are you sure about that twenty-two years, Georgie?

The president told the group of 14 -- all leaders in drug prevention, treatment and interdiction programs across the country -- that a new study shows teen drug abuse has dropped 25 percent since he took office in 2001.

Yeah, just like studies show that abstinence only programs work, and are far superior to comprehensive sex education. I just conducted a study in the last five minutes that shows that I have the biggest penis of anyone in my office. I'm the only person in my office.

Just thinking about the ridiculousness of this whole thing has got me feeling some sort of way, and I know I don't have enough clean time to properly take my own personal inventory let alone Bush's (although I really want to). I'm going to turn it over to Jane to wrap up this whole thing about Bush and what we club members refer to as a "dry drunk":

There are many reasons why people in power live in denial and create dream worlds for themselves. But the personality characteristics George Bush is evincing are typical of people with untreated alcoholism, or as we in the club call it, being a "dry drunk."

In the parlance of alcoholism, a "dry drunk" is someone who "white knuckles" it, or stops drinking on their own but does not get any kind of treatment or participate in any type of program that will repair the damage from those "wild days in N'Owleans." It has all the wisdom of treating yourself for cancer. Going "cold turkey" may work well for people who are simply heavy partiers and are not actually alcoholics or drug addicts, and there are many such people.

But for many reasons, I don't happen to think George Bush is one of them.

Dry drunks are choking on rage, usually barely able to constrain it, and given to flashes of incredible temper -- as George Bush reputedly is. One of those reasons may be purely physical, in that people who abuse drugs and alcohol for long periods of time usually thrash their livers, which Chinese medicine believes to be the seat of anger.

But the other, more pervasive problem is a tendency to take things extremely personally and always interpret negative news as a personal attack. Alcoholics and drug addicts seem to stop growing emotionally when they begin heavy substance abuse. Instead of living through tough emotional situations and growing as a result of them, addicts go "around" them, afraid of their own feelings, attempting to manipulate and control them with chemicals. Although the intellect may continue to grow, the emotions do not.

Thus, conventional wisdom has it that when someone gets sober, they are dealing with the emotional maturity of someone the age they were when they started drinking and using, which in Texas in the 50s probably happened no later than Bush's teenage years. But emotional growth only commences when the alcoholic begins to take responsibility for his or her actions and seeks treatment, and there is no indication George Bush has ever done either.

Otherwise, they are just consumed with a storm of emotions they have neither the life training to process nor the tools to develop such, and on top of it all they can no longer medicate themselves into passivity. They will attempt to control "reality" in much the same way they attempted to control their feelings, with an urge to dominate and manipulate in order to shut out the ugly noise of life.

In other words, at this critical juncture in history, we're probably dealing with a really fucked-up fourteen year-old in the White House.

See YouTube clip above.


It'll be okay...

Wow. I'm genuinely excited about Obama's pick for Secretary of Energy, Steven Chu. So this is what reason and logic, as opposed to nepotism and cronyism, produce - qualified people filling important cabinet positions rather than unqualified religious zealots and neo-conservative ideologues.

Some unnamed* Democratic politicians are expressing concern over Chu's lack of political experience:

Chu won the 1997 Nobel Prize in physics and is highly respected in energy circles. But some Democrats have privately expressed concern that Chu has no political experience as he takes on the monumental task of passing a landmark energy reform bill early next year.

The guy runs a national laboratory. Trust me, as a scientist-in-training I can guarantee this guy has plenty of experience in politics - just not the kind of morality-flushing ball sucking most of these politicos have reduced themselves to. Like every other facet of the American way, science at the level we are talking about here is a bureaucratic nightmare. I deal with it everyday.

Also, considering he won the Nobel Prize we might infer that he's a pretty decent learner. I'm sure he'll pick up the things he doesn't know soon enough.

*SIDEBAR: WTF? with all the unnamed sources getting quoted by major news outlets anymore? "Some Democrats have 'privately' expressed concern..." This trend of using anonymous sources is becoming disconcerting. Obviously, there is no way to validate quotes made by nameless persons, and this consequently opens up the avenue of possibility that journalists might be interjecting their own personal opinions into "News Stories" hidden behind a mask of anonymity. Just a thought.


Chuck Todd is also a moran

(via Bob Cesca's GADB)

NORAH O'DONNELL: Can Obama avoid being tainted by all of this?

CHUCK TODD: It depends on your definition of taint.

Let's go to the dictionary, the urban dictionary that is:

1. taint

The area between the nutsack and asshole that prevent a man from shitting on his nuts. See durf.

If it wasn't for the taint, my nuts would reek of poo!


I am ON IT today!

You Sir, are a jackass!

Hubris-much? Me thinkest it's true! I just have one thing to say to the soon-to-be-former DEMOCRATIC Governor of Illinois:

I crack myself up.

(It took way too long to edit the "s" out of the original "Get a brain, Morans" picture. Wow do I suck at photoshopping.)



I'm throwing the horseshit flag on this one:

Palin didn't snub Oprah, spokesman says

She damn sure better not one snubs The Oprah. If The Oprah tells you to give her your first born child, you hand that little bastard over. If the Oprah is in a steel cage death match with a grizzly, you'd better jump in and help the grizzly! (I stole that last one from some comedian whose name I don't remember - Hey, I'm being honest.)

Sarah Palin's camp is denying claims she's is snubbing talk show host Oprah Winfrey, telling CNN Monday the decision was "nothing personal" — the Alaska governor has just been flooded with so many media requests she simply hasn't had the time to sit down with the daytime talk show icon.

“The governor was invited to appear. She was also invited to appear on Letterman, Leno, Stephanopoulos, The Daily Show. She passed on a vast majority of these requests," Bill McAllister, Palin's communications director and press secretary.

I wonder why she passed on The Daily Show and Letterman?

Yeah, she doesn't have the "time". There's a lot to do in Alaska this time of year. I mean, c'mon. The sun hasn't permanently set for the winter yet in of the state.

Time for the penalty marker to be thrown:

"We’re up to about 250 requests for interviews and appearances and so on. It’s worldwide, there’s still a tremendous amount of interest. It’s nothing personal about Oprah, it’s just that she turned down the vast majority of these requests."



More funny....

I don't know that I stopped laughing for more than three consecutive seconds while watching this clip.

TBogg makes teh funny good...


Eight teams with 6-6 records are going to bowl games filling up ESPN's dance card through December.

Yes. Even Notre Dame got a bowl bid where they will probably play a team made up of twelve year-old blind girls. I predict that Notre Dame, after finally scoring with five minutes left before the half, will show no mercy and will mercifully break their nine game bowl losing streak.

Charlie Weiss will then get a five year extension.

I believe it was Mr. TBogg who recently suggested that we stop fucking pretending that Notre Dame is even relevant in college football anymore. I agree.

I'm skeptical

I'm cynical. I've always been cynical. So please forgive me when I say I'll need to see it to believe it:

Blackwater guards 'to surrender'

Yes. "To surrender" - the quotes seem appropriate.

Five employees of the US security firm Blackwater charged over the 2007 fatal shooting of 17 Iraqis will surrender to US federal authorities, reports say.

Of course, what they are charged with remains unclear, and, according to the BBC, they are going to "surrender" in Utah - one of the most conservative and pro-gun states in the nation. These men are going to argue that their case should be tried in Utah as a result of this move rather than in Washington D.C. where the federal charges were filed. I have a serious problem with these men being charged in an American court for alleged crimes that were committed in a foreign country. I say "alleged" because one of the guard's lawyer had this to say about his client:

"Donald Ball committed no crime," said his lawyer, Steven McCool. "We are confident that any jury will see this for what it is: a politically motivated prosecution to appease the Iraqi government."

I guess the killing of 17 people, including women and children, isn't a crime - especially since the 17 people were Iraqis.

I've been trying to come up with a hypothetical analogy for something like this happening in the United States.

I can't. I had several ideas, but this is so out of the realm of anything we experience in this country that I don't even feel comfortable making the comparison. The murder of seventeen innocent civilians, and the subsequent claim that the alleged perpetrators "committed no crime" - it's unimaginable.

This situation is a perfect example of why the majority of the planet hates the United States - American Exceptionalism. This notion of holding other nations/peoples to a perceived or manifested set of fallacious standards while practicing the polar opposite of these principles. Do as we say not as we do.

So again, forgive me for being skeptical when I say that I seriously doubt anything will stem from these charges.


This is a joke, right?

(via Think Progress)

Earlier this week, Pastor Rick Warren presented President Bush with the first International Medal of PEACE from the Global PEACE Coalition...

Sadly, no! Fear not doubters of faith - even though we're talking about the "International Medal of PEACE" this award isn't about peace at all. Sillies.

COLMES: But to give a peace award to a guy who started two wars…neither of which are completed yet. […]

WARREN: Well, the Peace Award was not about peace in domestic — or foreign policy.

Oh, well. Okay. That makes sense - the PEACE award isn't about peace at all.

*Bashing head off desk...back in a sec*

In case the name "Rick Warren" sounds familiar, it should. That's Smitty's boss, y'all!


I've been hugely critical of Campbell Brown over the past few weeks, and in my opinion justifiably so. However, she is spot on with this commentary about the current "bailout" plans. This part of her article struck me as particularly unsurprising; although, I can see how some of my more naive countrymen and women may be a bit perplexed.

I got an e-mail from someone down in Louisiana on Wednesday who was pretty fired up about a story he read in his local paper about a local bank.

IBERIABANK is apparently requesting $90 million in federal bailout money -- and getting it.

$90 million.

But here's what might surprise you: IBERIABANK is not in trouble.

Bank officials say they are having no financial stress. In fact, just the opposite.

The bank managed to avoid the whole mortgage mess, and, today, is in great financial shape.

So what they are doing is using the $90 million in bailout money to grow their business. They are buying up other smaller banks.

Of course the bank's officials have a perfectly nonsensical explanation as to why this is good for taxpayers: If the big banks buy the little banks, which are in trouble because of shitty mortgage practices, then the little banks get to stay in business, et voila - the taxpayers benefit.?

I don't get it either. It's not as if the small banks troubles will disappear as soon as they are absorbed by their larger counterparts. Tax payers do not benefit when a bank does well - unless the tax payers happen to own stock in that particular bank.

So far, the Treasury Department headed by Hank Paulson has not given any indication in the least as to what the plan is for the $700 billion bailout package. And if I'm to understand this whole thing correctly, I must accept the fact that because the government says this type of corporate socialism (and one would have a hard fucking time convincing me that this isn't socialism at its ugliest) is good, then it is beneficial for everyone on the sole grounds that the government says so.

This is ironic - the same people who cry about President-elect Obama being too far left and socialistic are more than likely the same dolts who actually believe that they will somehow come out of this crisis on the other end better of than they are now. Why? Because the government says so. They support this $700 billion bailout yet shit in their cereal when someone suggests using $37 billion in federal tax income to support a program like SCHIPS, which I might add would probably ensure that their children have proper health care.

If it wasn't so fucked up and tragic, it'd be hilarious.


Something Fun...

That last post was a little heavy and left me feeling some sort of way. So I figured I'd post this literal version of "Under The Bridge" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

(found via Bob Cesca's GDAB)


Yep...squalid. Why? Because I'm running out of words to describe the shit-sandwich clusterfuck that some like to call the Iraq war. This story from McClatchy is just another example of the absolute dearth of humanity exhibited by companies whose biggest champions just happen to be running our country (into the ground) at the moment.

BAGHDAD — About 1,000 Asian men who were hired by a Kuwaiti subcontractor to the U.S. military have been confined for as long as three months in windowless warehouses near the Baghdad airport without money or a place to work.

Najlaa International Catering Services, a subcontractor to KBR, an engineering, construction and services company, hired the men, who're from India, Nepal, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh. On Tuesday, they staged a march outside their compound to protest their living conditions.

Hmmm. KBR. I'll be dipped in shit. Is there anything that company is involved in that doesn't weigh in on the ethics scale between criminally negligent and morally depraved?

Some of the men who've been living in the warehouses said that KBR representatives visited the site two weeks ago. They said Najlaa held their passports until the KBR inspection, which Najlaa officials denied. Seizing passports is a violation of the U.S. military's 2006 instructions to contractors.

I would hope that human-trafficking is also a violation of military instructions, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't. Honestly. I wouldn't.

KBR didn't answer direct questions about the warehouses (no kidding?) but issued a two-paragraph statement. "When KBR becomes aware of potential violations of international laws regarding trafficking in persons, we work, within our authority, to remediate the problem and report the matter to proper authorities. KBR then works with authorities to rectify the matter," it said.

I feel much better knowing that the company responsible for nearly every civil project catastrophe in Iraq is working with authorities "to rectify the matter".

This next one is rich:

While the main complaint in the warehouses centered on living in what many considered prison-like conditions, Najlaa officials said it was crucial to keep the men in the compound to prevent kidnappings or other dangers. "We're in Iraq; it's a war zone," said Isha Rufaie, a Najlaa logistics manager who tried to calm the protest Tuesday.

And how does that justify your company practically enslaving these men in prison-like compounds? Just because it's a fucking war zone doesn't mean that you get to treat your human cargo like herd animals. Unbelievably, it gets worse:

A group of about 50 men living in tents about a mile away were even worse off than the men in the warehouses, and they appeared to be victims of human trafficking. They live in huts they built with tarps and pieces of carpet, and said they had no access to food or water.

The property is under the control of the Iraq Civil Aviation Administration, which couldn't be reached for comment Tuesday.

I'm guessing it would be tough to get in touch with an organization that has absolutely no reason to exist. The "Iraq Civil Aviation Administration", really? I didn't realize that things had gotten so good in Iraq that there needs to be an equivalent of the FAA there.

These men apparently didn't arrive in Iraq with contracts promising them work, but instead had relied on agents who were supposed to place them in jobs. The men in the tent camp, who're from the same countries as those in the warehouses, said they paid close to $5,000 to the agents.

"We came to make a good salary and go home, but we're not lucky," said Ganesh Kumar Bhagat, 22, a Nepalese man who sleeps with four others in a tent along the main airport road.

He hasn't told his family that his plans did not succeed in Iraq, instead assuring them that he lives and works safely on an American base.

Bhagat and others at the camp gave a McClatchy reporter phone numbers for the agents who led them to Iraq. Some numbers had been disconnected. In other cases, people quickly hung up.

The surge worked! Everything is roses now. I life was fair, all the architects of this debacle would be put on a desert island somewhere and forced to fend for themselves for the amusement of all the people that they have un-remorsefully shit on during the past six years. It would be very Survivor-esque, but with many, many more obese, rich white guys.

Secretary of Commerce?

Image via CNN (The most crusted trusted name in news.)

Didn't that guy used to host "The Family Feud" and co-star in a TV show with Tim Allen? I would have never thought of nominating a former game show host for a cabinet position, but then I'm not Barack Obama either. I see he's going to keep us on our toes.

Oh, boy...I crack myself up. Seriously though, I'm glad to see Obama give a nod to Richardson, but in all honesty I think he'd be much better suited for Secretary of State or Homeland Security. I'm not implying that Hillary Clinton isn't qualified for State, I'm saying I think Richardson should be more in the national security loop than at Commerce. My two cents.


Teh Awesome!

This is what I saw last night on my way to an H&I meeting in a neighboring town last night:

Image courtesy Scott Hurst

That's Venus, the Moon, and Jupiter in conjunction - a pretty rare event and one that I'm glad I got to see.

It's sort of strange how these things happen for me: Had I known beforehand that this alignment would be taking place, I can all but guarantee that I would have missed it. Either because of my own stupidity or some other factor outside of my control. However, not knowing what I was looking at at the time I witnessed the conjuncture, makes the moment seem all the more amazing now that I know what was going on. As I said before, I had no idea what the hell I was looking at, but I had a pretty awesome feeling that it was something special.

On a more philosophical note: I guess each situation is as "special" as each of us makes it.


I'm feeling sadistic again...

I'm going to do the spiritual thing and warn you now not want to watch the videos I've posted below.

(via the General)

If you've ignored my advice and decided to watch, consider taking heed at this point - it's get's worse...much worse.

Oh noes! Russia made it's move on the Ukraine? What? Why? Where the hell is that part of The Bible? And which book and chapter talks about "The Day of The Nukes"?

This is getting weird.

I didn't realize that was Sarah Palin in these videos until that last clip. I'm glad she found work.

I can see why the holy rollers get really freaked out about the rapture. I don't even believe in that stuff and those videos have me feeling a tad schizo at the moment.

UPDATE: I feel better now...

Smitty showed me how to do the "Burning Bush" and "Make my booty drop like the walls of Jericho".

I really am sorry. That was...just awful.


This guy just won't stop with the ridiculous's farkin' awesome:

"I would advise politicians, however, to be careful about faith in the public arena," Bush said. "In other words, politicians should not be judgmental people based upon their faith. They should recognize, at least I have recognized, I am a lowly sinner seeking redemption, and therefore have been very careful about saying (accept) my faith or you're bad."

- G. W. Bush

Just...Unbelievably absurd, considering he also said...

"I believe that God wants me to be president."

"We need common-sense judges who understand our rights were derived from God."

"God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East."

Yeeeaaahhh! I'm laughing too. Man, I'm gonna miss that dude.

Yep. Pt. II

I don't even remember what part one was, but Bush finally acknowledges what we've all been saying for the past six years...


Spanks, Sarah

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at

Happy Thanksgiving!


Don't F*ck w/ Rahm


I have to agree with Ed on this one.

Complaints have led to removal of an atheist group's "Imagine No Religion" billboard in Rancho Cucamonga.

The General Outdoor sign company took down the Freedom From Religion Foundation billboard on Thursday after the city asked if there was a way to get it removed. Redevelopment director Linda Daniels says they got 90 complaints.

Despite the fact that there actually exists a place called "Rancho Cucamonga" (WTF?) in which real people actually live, there is no way in hell this billboard would have been removed had it displayed a Christianity-oriented message. What is so offensive about the phrase "Imagine No Religion" anyway? A lawsuit is most definitely in order as the decision to remove the sign is a clear First Amendment violation. The fact that it took only 90 complaints to get the signed removed seems like pretty weak sauce as well.

Painfully funny...

She's such a super lady.



By way of SadlyNo! comes this intolerably delusional article from Jules Crittenden advising Obama to give thanks to Bush for leaving things in such a splendid state of affairs.

If you don't feel like reading something that is likely to make you laugh hysterically and then gouge your own eyes out when you realize the author isn't kidding, then I suggest just reading the sentence below and believe me when I say that is how Crittenden ended this really, really serious article:

For all of this, Barack Obama owes George W. Bush a tremendous debt of gratitude.

This is a going to be a little raw, but that is like saying that Jewish people owe the Nazis a tremendous debt of gratitude for not killing all of them.

Teh Funny

Bob Cesca swears he's seen "that turkey guy" from the Palin interview before and has now produced photographic evidence to prove he was right. Check it out!

Blub Reading

I'm feeling sort of blubbish today, and don't really feel like writing all that much at the moment, so here are some recommended reading articles:

- Russian Naval Flotilla exercising with Venezuela

That's good news. It's been what...over forty-five years since the Cuban Missle Crisis? Why not let another Western Hemisphere nation start palling around with our former Cold War enemies?

I thought this next one was a joke a first:

- Bush should act to stop crisis

Uh? How 'bout no. Bush is the personification of crisis. Nearly everything that walking calamity does results in a crisis in one form or another. Also, this commentary reads as if it was written by a high school sophomore.

I'm done for now. I reserve the right to update this post as I see fit. Like right now...

(via FDL:)

- Obama skips church, heads to gym

That doesn't really seem like news to me. Um, the guy is a Muslim. Now that he's managed to win the hearts and minds of the common folk, he can finally stop putting up the facade of being Christian like he's been doing by attending the same Christian church for the past twenty odd years. He's not even really going to the gym. He's secretly dining on his usual Sunday brunch of hummus and falafel, typical of most newly elected Muslim leaders. In that vein, it's not even really fair for Halperin, Martin, and Lee to be comparing Obama to his Christian predecessors. Obama has got to pray like five times a day, for gosh sakes.



Why is CNN giving this clown air time?

Who the fuck is Mark Holick, and why in the hell is Rick Sanchez debating him? Who gives a shit what this Podunk pastor has to say and his conjectures about Obama.

Anyone can claim anything about anyone, but that doesn't mean they need to be brought to attention by the national media. Look:

I think Mark Holick secretly masturbates to the pictures on Tarot cards while giving his praises to the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster. It clearly says in Exodus 20:3 that you should not worship the FSM but only the one true God; therefore, Mark Holick is automatically a fascist homosexual.

Tell CNN I'm open for the rest of the afternoon, but after that they're going to have to check with my secretary.

On a more serious note: What purpose would CNN have for running this shite other than to try a milk the whole "Obama is a secret Muslim" meme one more time?

Just fuck off and die already, MSM - you're relevance is coming to an end! (That might have been a little harsh.)


It's a tough choice... to which religion I'm ultimately planning on settling with. This lady sounds interesting (via Ed Brayton):

The Divine Queen Mariette

A little background biographical information for those of you who aren't currently worshiping a Vietnamese immigrant/Divinely Mandated Super Supreme Being:

On January 2, 1947, the fully human natural body of the Divine Queen Mariette was born in the world, from a woman in a village located in Nam-Dinh, North Vietnam. This was shortly before the war between North and South Vietnam began. This war divided Vietnam into two governments, and she followed her beloved natural parents to South Vietnam.

The Divine Queen Mariette as fully human survived the war between North and South Vietnam which had become the American-Vietnam war. On April 28, 1975, the fully Divine Queen Mariette's natural family left Vietnam to go to the United States. She and her immediately family arrived Camp Pendleton State of California in middle May 1975.

I dare not question her qualifications for being the One on Earth at this point, lest I be struck down by the Queen herself. We do have something in common: I like traveling with my "immediately" family too. That means I'm next in line if she decides she doesn't want the job anymore. Moving on.

Let's see what the Lambette has to say about evolution (this is good):

God created the sea's living creatures from dirt, either from the bottom of the sea or from loose dirt from the ground. God then created living creatures, various kinds of birds that reside on the ground or on tree branches. The living creatures residing underground and on the ground were the last of three phrases (?) of God's creation of living creatures of all kinds. Until these days, dirt was still being used as the natural substance for God to create insects.


This is a joke right?

Sadly, no. It's gets worse/funnier:

The Bible recorded that human natural bodies were created after animals, because human natural bodies went through a transformation process.

The Bible recorded? The Bible has awesome penmanship, and it's not too shabby a typist either.

Living creatures reside and crawl on the ground or fly in the airspace. God placed living creatures' souls to mingle with soft dirt. The spirits of these souls grew their natural bodies to a round long shape--worms. During the process of growing body parts, the supernatural power from the living creatures' souls were formed and nourished. Dirt was the natural substance for worms' souls' supernatural power during the process of God's creation of worms.

I'm still not wholly convinced that this isn't some kind of joke. That last paragraph is so fucked up both logically and grammatically that a group of mentally retarded monkeys tripping on acid using nothing but a broken piece of chalk and a sidewalk could come up with something less disjoint.

The worms broke into pieces, and the broken parts contained the residual spirit. Immediately, God gave each part new souls, which were different from worms' souls. These souls descended inside the worm pieces and were created with a different formula for supernatural power, depending on the kind of living creatures into which they evolved.

This lady has been hanging out with Princess Sparkle Pony and Molten Magma Man too much. The mountain man has crossed the third bench and is heading up the lateral ridge to where the dinosaurs plowed the ancient rocks - that is where his mom hides the special candle wax ambrosia. (I can come up with some crazy shit, too!)

I don't get it. Are the worms' souls superheroes or is the dirt divine - Why are the worms breaking into different soul pieces in the first place? What the hell is going on?

God uses worms' broken pieces as natural substances, creating other wild living creatures and animals that have two legs and two arms, or four legs--some have many legs. Their offspring are formed in their image after exiting the birth canal, while others are born as eggs and then hatch into animals.

What is it with this lady and worms for Maude's sake?

From the first time worms broke into pieces, God had chosen certain pieces to evolve into human natural bodies. These living creatures' offspring are borne into natural bodies, with two arms and two feet. Through a very long process of various animals' transformations, the prospect of human beings slowly changed, from one kind to another, then to monkeys, monkeys into bears, and finally to the human physical bodies.

Well, we are all damn lucky the "prospect of human beings slowly changed" from one kind to another, then to monkeys... Scientists recently announced that they have actually replicated the process of "another" turning into a monkey in laboratory settings. Such a phenomenon has yet to be observed in nature. Anothers are strange creatures like that.

(The theory of monkeys to human natural bodies is incorrect, because monkeys have long arms and long tails. Humans first changed to monkeys and then to bears. In order for species to evolve into human natural bodies, God changed the souls' creation formula from long arms and tails to shorter arms and tails, and He changed from monkey souls to bear souls before having souls evolve into human souls. Bears evolve into human natural bodies...snip...

That Charles Darwin is full of shit, man!

...un-snip...In addition, the theory of sea creatures evolving into human natural bodies is totally incorrect. Sea creatures must remain under water.)


God created human souls by changing the supernatural substance for creating bear souls, and He sent this soul into monkey wombs. In this way, bears did not grow long tails, long arms, and legs like a monkey. God then changed the supernatural substance for creating human souls, and He removed short tails, hair, and the shape of bears' faces and sent this design into bear wombs. At this stage, after birth, the natural bodies were not wholly human yet. During the process of growing up, the natural bodies were changing, and this led to the creation of humans on earth.

And there you have it. All it takes is faith that God (or the Queen, at this point I'm not sure) put the bear souls in the monkey wombs but only after he changed the supernatural design substance so that the half-humans could grow up to be whole humans. It's just that simple.

That takes a load off my mind.


Teh Cuteness... hurts. Too much adorableness:

(via TRex via Jezebel via Wired)

Light Posting

Posting may be light for the next two days as I have a butt-load (yeah I said "butt-load", what of it?) of work combined with a slurry of shoulder-related medical issues to tend to. MRI's and whatnot.

Of course, if the past is any indication, any time I proclaim that posting will be light I end up writing more than normal. That's how my fucked up brain works I suppose.


WTF is Campbell Browns Problem?

(CNN - Of-frickin' course)

Commentary: Obama already struggling with lobbyist promises

For the sake of Maude. The guy has only been president-elect for two fucking weeks and she's managed to write a negative commentary on Obama on a damn near daily basis since the election. I used to like Campbell Brown, but lately she's really starting to piss me off. It's no secret that I loathe most of the personalities on CNN (I'm looking at you first, Blitzer), but she always seemed kind of reasonable. Things are starting to look like the network heads gave her a show and then told her to pretend to be middle of the road while doing everything possible to knife 44 in the back.

What the fuck do I know, though. It IS a center-right country after all.


Biden Blunder Scale

Love it...

"Just name the time and the place, and Joe Biden will bring the train."


Alright, I'm admittedly having some trouble figuring this one out. Ted Stevens (Dickhole R - AK) is facing up to 35 years in prison, and people are still talking about whether or not he should remain in the Senate if he manages to win that still very close race in Alaska. There's true Republican values for you. They tried to depose a president for getting a blow job and even had some Democrats calling for Clinton's impeachment. One of their own gets caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar, and they "cut and run", leaving their buddy out to dry.

Personally, I'd like to see everyone just "stay the course" and ride this one out. That philosophy has worked so well for the past eight years.

Just for fun:


Why I love Wonkette

Because of this barbaric massacre of the English language that would leave even Bush scratching his head:

We get this...

Extreme writing! I find this hilarious:

Her astounding opening speech lasts for more than half of the press conference, and it’s classic Palin: the nouns are there (”governors,” “work,” “2012,” etc.), but everything in between is a hellish, primordial shitheap of misplaced modifiers, abrupt switchings of tense, and sounds that simply are not words.

And gerunds.

There are so many gerunds in places that do not need gerunds. She is insulting you with gerunds. She uses a gerund to start every “sentence” (more like, word-sequence). That is her way of telling you to fuck off and die.

God, I hate gerunds, too. I have an idea. Let's stop electing republican governors so there are no more Republican Governors' Association meetings. Just a thickity thought.

Check This Out

I don't really have much this morning (probably because I haven't visited any major news sites - yet). But I did get an email from Media Matters, in which they took the time to put together this compilation of right wing talk all-stars.

I generally reserve my vitriol of right wing talk radio solely for Michael Savage, but this Cunningham fellow seems like an interesting cat:

The Big Show with Bill Cunningham is a weekday Cincinnati-based radio program that airs from 12:25 p.m. to 3 p.m. ET on Ohio's WLW-AM. The program is also simulcast on XM Radio Channel 173. Cunningham, a former Ohio assistant attorney general, also hosts a nationally syndicated Sunday-night talk program titled Live on Sunday Night, It's Bill Cunningham, which is broadcast live on 325 affiliates, according to its syndicator, Premiere Radio Networks. In 2001, Cunningham received the National Association of Broadcasters' Marconi Radio Award for large-market "Personality of the Year." Cunningham has alleged that "Obama wants to gas the Jews;" compared Obama to Hitler; has repeatedly suggested that if Obama lost the election "there will be 100 cities burning;" has invoked "six, six, six" and "the beast" while discussing Obama; has asserted that "a typical black father... simply leave"; has repeatedly claimed that poor people "lack values"; and has claimed that "the so-called noble poor" don't use birth control so that "the mom can get more checks in the mail from the government."

Wow. Just...Wow!

I'm thinking of an experiment: Could we set a right wing authoritarian follower down, and let them listen to someone like Cunningham vs. someone like Maddow and ask them to point out the disparities? What would such a person's reaction be to hearing a liberal radio host say "George W. Bush wants to gas the Jews"?

I would think that the person would become down right aggressive in his defense against the perceived injustice or criticism directed at his beloved leader. That is one of the main reasons we are rarely successful when trying to rationalize or reason with an authoritarian personality whether it's a leader or a follower. Nearly every decision such people make is based entirely on emotions rather than logic. Like a toddler who doesn't get his or her way in the store, when confronted with a view point that doesn't fit their perception of the status quo, they immediately take on a defensive posture and revert to acting out in a pre-adolescent fashion in order to get their way. And when they don't, look out. Take Bill O'Reilly for example:

Think about what O'Reilly was saying. Since when does a mayor or police chief have the ability to deport someone? They don't. When confronted with the fact that the man in question wasn't deported because he didn't commit a felony (logic and reason - plus it's the law - something that the authoritarian is quick to negate when it becomes an inconvenience), O'Reilly's reaction is to ratchet up the volume and put the safety of Rivera's children in the equation. Then Bill proceeds to tell Rivera what Rivera wants, which is "open border anarchy" - insanity. The rest of the clip entails O'Reilly defensively justifying his position even when he knows (and he knows) he's beaten. This behavior is ludicrous. Imagine a lawyer acting like this in a trial. He'd be immediately disbarred and sent to an insane asylum. Yet so many people in this country feed off this type of rhetoric for their daily fix of emotions because they are incapable of dealing with their own problems in a mature way. It's much easier to project my problems onto someone else and get mad at them rather than deal with my own issues.

When you think about it, it really is quite pathetic that it has come to this. I blame the snozberries and over-dramatic prairie dogs.




On Wednesday, there was a big change to the government bailout plan and already a lot of people are screaming foul.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson told us he now has a different plan for how to spend that $700 billion of your money.

When Congress OK'd the bailout package, they all told us it would be spent buying troubled mortgage assets.

That's what Congress voted on. That's what Congress approved.

Now, Paulson says it would be better for the economy if he uses the money to buy bank stocks as a way to help their balance sheets so they are more likely to lend you money for a car or student loan or credit card.

Some today are accusing Paulson of being a flip-flopper.

Here's more of how he explained the big change:

"What we said to Congress was we needed a financial rescue package because the credit markets were stopped up.

"And we were focused on the problem. And when we went to Congress, the liquid assets looked like the way to go.

"As the situation worsened, the facts changed.... And I will never apologize for changing an approach or strategy when the facts change...I think the apology should come the other way: if someone doesn't change when the facts change. I think we move quickly, we move powerfully to address the situation as it exists."

Of course you think the apology should come the other way. You never do anything wrong. You're just like the rest of your Bush-appointed colleagues in that everything you do is right simply because YOU'RE doing it. You cannot do anything wrong. The wrong chromosome is missing from your genetic sequence.

And this surprises people. You know what surprises me? That Bush and Cheney were able to find this many people, with their heads shoved so far up their asses that every time they fart they cause themselves minor brain damage, to fill all the required posts.

Paulson is a Bush appointee for Maude's sake. What the hell did you expect him to do - actually follow through on the original plan? I don't think it's the egregiousness of this shit that's pissing me off anymore. What upsets me nowadays is when people pretend to act surprised and taken back when an administration official does something like this.

What's really ironic is the fact that the people who would benefit the most from the original bailout, middle-class home owners in deep shit, are most likely the same people who shied away from Obama when all the Socialist/Marxist slander was being leveled at him. Oh noes! Don't take my money and give it to the poors. Instead, why don't you just steal it from me and buy bank stocks. Yeah, that's a great idea. I don't care if I lose my house just so long as the CEO of Bear Stearns gets to sleep in his $40,000 bed in his $2 million home tonight.


That's why I didn't vote for her!

via Attaturk at FDL

“The liberal media attacked Sarah Palin because she did not abort her Down syndrome baby," Barone said, according to accounts by attendees. "They wanted her to kill that child. ... I'm talking about my media colleagues with whom I've worked for 35 years.”

- Those of us in the Secret Liberal Institutions and Media Establishment Benevolently Approving of the Looney Leftists (SLIMEBALLs for short) have always held a grudge against anyone who hasn't had an abortion - men included (That's right, some of us hold grudges against ourselves - that's how begrudging we are!). And now that Barone has figured us out, I call on all members of SLIMEBALLs to unite in order to silence his dissenting voice before any more non-SLIMEBALLs are exposed to his message and thusly the true aims of our organization, which is to install abortion/sex toy vending machines on every street corner in small towns across the country making us unbelievably wealthy to a point where we have total control over the global economy. Once this goal is completed, we will force all people residing under our new world order to become gay thereby wiping out the human race so that our alien overlords can repopulate the planet with their kind. I think L. Ron Hubbard actually came up with this idea, we at SLIMEBALLs just expanded and are acting on it. I must now go for I fear I've said too much.

Phew. I know as a liberal I've always questioned why Palin didn't abort that child. I mean, I had heard so, so, SO much about her before she became Walnut's running mate that I could have practically ghost-written her autobiography. Brainless nit.

I'm sad to admit that this is the first time I can remember being exposed to this crazy fucker, but D-A-M-N!!! - this guy is bat-shit insane! I'm going to have to do some research on this fellow.

I really do ♥ Rachel Maddow...

...and that's why I'm posting this picture.

via C&L

Don't fuck with "teh kittehs" whilst they're watching the Rachel.

Oi. Oi vey. Oi vey --> Me =|

As is normal with most mornings, there is a single headline on CNN's frontpage that makes me want to move to the hills and become a subsistence farmer:

President Palin? Alaska governor ponders her future

(Real quick: That is the worst title I think I've ever come up with. Because that title sucks so bad, I refuse to change it. Sometimes we all need to bring ourselves down a few notches and reading that borderline retarded [seriously] title is a good place for me to start.)

1) Why didn't we see any headlines like this after the 2004 election about possible Democratic candidates?

2) Maude, I hope she runs...she's a gold mine:


In the past week, the former vice presidential candidate has invited reporters into her home in Alaska, serving them moose chili and moose hot dogs as she opens up about her life and what's next.

After moose dogs and caribou chili we can head down to Walnut's sixteenth house for some of his special BBQ, you media kiss ass.

Ding, ding!

Immediately after the election, she told CNN that she didn't know "what the heck's going to happen in 2012."

"Right now, I cannot even imagine running for national office in 2012," she said after the results came in. "When I say that, of course, [it's] coming on the heels of an outcome that I did not anticipate and had not hoped for."

Really, Sarah? You didn't anticipate losing in a landslide referendum? Okay, way to carry the pulse of the people outside of MooseHotDogVille Wasilla, AK. Also, can you just say "hell" for shit's sake? Trust me, you'll get more voters that way.

Ding, ding, ding...

"I'm like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I'm like, don't let me miss the open door," she said in an interview that aired Monday on Fox News.

I'm like totally, totally psyched about the next four years, y'all. Like, it's going to be like totally awesome. Like. (I don't actually have much room to talk here. I use "like" way too much, but I'm not the governor of the geographically largest state in the Union either.)

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding....WINNER!

"And if there is an open door in '12 or four years later, and if it is something that is going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I'll plow through that door."

Yeah, 'cause running for President of the United States is all about improving your family's quality of life first, your state's standing next, and then worrying about the rest of the nation and what kind of opportunity such an office holds for your future...good philosophy. I'm sure the other 329,000,000 people in the U.S. that don't live in Alaska will definitely agree with you.

I gotta throw this last part of the article out there:

Outside of politics, some supporters are hoping Palin will follow former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee's lead and take her folksy charm to the small screen. Huckabee has become a political commentator and talk-show host for Fox News.

Before the election, Palin wasn't keen on the idea of hosting a talk show. But being on television would be nothing new for her -- she anchored a local sports segment before she dove into politics.

I hope she does exactly what Huckabee did and becomes a talk show host on what is becoming the most irrelevant and laughed at channel on cable today. Her "folksy charm" is just what the people who still watch Faux News need...Those members of the populous who are incapable of understanding or refuse to comprehend the big words that we Liberals like to use...You know, words like "Constitution", "Checks-and-balances", "Bill of Rights", "Humanity", "Compassion", "Diplomacy", etc...Pretty much the polar opposite of everything the Bush administration and the current Republican party is all about.


Because I can... why I'm posting this.


Have a lovely day.

Good News

Looks like the evil librul media machine will have its number one propagandist for four more years. When are these media conglomerates going to realize that this is a "center-right" country and stop giving these elitists airtime? At least we still have people getting TV time to remind of where the country's true political leanings are:

(The communist demon on my shoulder says: I've never seen denial manifest itself so tragically as it does in this video clip. These people are getting desperate - even Brokaw has lost it. The country is still "geographically" center-right? That would be relevant if wheat shocks and armadillos in red counties and states could vote, but unfortunately for the Republicans, no one has taken up the cause of armadillos' suffrage as of yet.

And OMG! Karl Rove? Talk about the new standard bearer of wingnut welfare.

The thing that bothers me the most is that major anchors can go on spewing nonsense like this without any kind of systematic checks and balances. Oh, and congratulations to Keith and Rachel. Oh shit, the big mean conservative guy is coming back.)

Thank Maude for folks like Hannity and O'Reilly, who keep the playing field level. We'd surely be lost without their insight and guidance.

This headline woke me up:

Holocaust survivors to Mormons: Stop baptisms of dead Jews

Needless to say, there was quite a bit of head scratching involved until I read that article. I didn't realize that, among the list of common practices, Mormons had taken to baptizing dead people - I would've thought that kind of negates the purpose, but then again I'm not a Mormon. I should try to give Mitt Romney a call.


Dude...Been there. Surrender.

This guy needs to realize that he's in a fight that he can't win, and he needs to give up (via just about every other blogger in the Universe):

Councilman vows to quit alcohol after public urination bust

Pea-brained [sic] Jersey City Councilman Steven Lipski swore off booze Sunday - two days after he was busted for urinating on a crowd of revelers at a Washington D.C. nightclub.

"I've resolved not to touch alcohol again," Lipski told reporters outside his home.

1) Pea-brained, huh? Apparently, the Republican rag NYDN has hired a bunch of recent kindergarten graduates to head up the editorial staff. Nice move.

2) I know something about alcohol and resolutions - they mix about as well as oil and water and last about as long as it takes me to write the average blog post. What does mix? Alcohol and admissions.

Still, the two-term Democrat refused to admit that he drunkenly relieved himself from the second-floor balcony of the 9:30 club Friday night.

I did a lot of crazy shit in my day, but I don't think I've ever pissed on anyone. I should probably put that on my "Yet List". And he can refuse to admit it all he wants, but I'd tend to think people who aren't tore-up would have a better chance of remembering whether the drunk guy peed on them than the drunk guy himself. Just a thought.

Oh yeah, the guy is a Democrat (ZOM!G!111!!1!) so I suspect that this story will headline on Faux News Channel at least once a day until the 2010 midterm elections.

I ♥ Sarah Palin

Golly gee, I hope she sure does stick around for awhile. When she speaks, those of us who write don't have to get that creative to be funny...She's hilarious in her own right. Part of me actually thinks that Palin is some kind of hyper-intelligent liberal who just got bored and decided to fuck with people to occupy her time (the part that reads Sadly No! - this idea of liberal geniuses masking as wingnuts is Brad's.). On the other hand, she's like O'Reilly in that you couldn't invent a character as absurd as she is - such a personality just isn't believable. Take some of these quotes from a recent interview, which I will graciously translate into non-politician speak:

Q. Why do you think your campaign lost?

A. I think the Republican ticket represented too much of the status quo, too much of what had gone on in these last eight years, that Americans were kind of shaking their heads like going, wait a minute, how did we run up a 10 trillion dollar debt in a Republican administration? How have there been blunders with war strategy under a Republican administration? If we're talking change, we want to get far away from what it was that the present administration represented and that is to a great degree what the Republican Party at the time had been representing. So people desiring change I think went as far from the administration that is presently seated as they could. It's amazing that we did as well as we did.

Translation: Republicans really suck. They are damn near the polar opposite of King Midas. Everything they've touched for the last eight years has turned into a steaming pile of shit. Wait...I'm a Republican? I forgot...In that case, we did amazing considering how much we sucktastically suck.

Q. There's been an enormous amount of information about you that Alaskans have been exposed to the past couple of months -- and lots of it very critical. What are Alaskans supposed to make of all this?

A. Regarding information regarding my record, that is now out there, much of it that was based on misinformation was a very, very frustrating thing to have to go through when the record was never corrected. And we would try to correct the record and too many in the media chose not to make those corrections.

Q. What misinformation are you talking about?

A. Some of the goofy things like who was Trig's mom. Well, I'm Trig's mom (raises her hand) and do you want to see my medical records to prove that? ... And banning books. That was a ridiculous thing also that could have so easily been corrected just by a reporter taking an extra step and not basing a report on gossip or speculation. But just looking into the record. It was reported that I tried to ban Harry Potter when it hadn't even been written when I was the mayor. So, gosh, we have so many examples, I mean every day, especially the first few weeks, every day something that was thrown out there.

Translation: Did you know that people lie about you when you're out there politicking. That's not very nice, and gosh darnit, we Alaskans don't like to do that. By the way, Barack Obama is a Communist homosexual with a Marxist agenda to steal all your money and give it to black people who will then use that money to enslave all white people and force them to wear baggy clothes and listen to that hip hop music.

Q. One of the things that came up during the campaign is that you charge the state per diem for time spent here in Wasilla. Is that something you are going to continue to do?

A. We've always followed the law and fully disclosed all that. The choice there in many months of the Juneau mansion being re-plumbed and all the improvements being made in the infrastructure of the Juneau house, where we weren't going to be there anyway. Knowing that in the end it would have cost the state more money to do what other governors had done and that is either charge the state for hotel rooms. Or the state rents you an apartment like they did for Governor Murkowski. We said no, we just won't sell our house, knowing that we're going to spend quite a bit of time here, especially those months where the remodels were taking place in the governor's mansion. And we would disclose my per diem, we wouldn't try to hide it ... trying to go above and beyond, not accepting any per diem for the kids or Todd at all, they've lived outside of the governor's house. Trying to follow the rules and doing what is legal and ethical and full disclosure.

Same with the family's travel. That's baffled me that all of a sudden two years later, again, never having tried to hide anything with either traveling back and forth to Juneau for first family events that were outside the capital city, in bringing Piper and, once in a while, Willow with me also, that anybody would think that I was trying to hide that they came with me ... just trying to do my job and part of my job is with the first family, having them with me at some of these events.

Translation: I can't believe somebody actually took the time to check up on all my spending. Don't you people have anything better to do. Hell, McCain's people didn't even take the time to vet that information, and they picked me to be his running mate for Cripe's sake! Also, I can't do this politicking thing alone. I need my children with me everywhere I go. It's their job to act as human shields for me when the liberal media starts asking me questions. They aren't supposed to be asking me questions. What's with all these questions. You act like I represent an entire population or something...leave me alone. Willow, where are you?

Alright. I gotta end it here otherwise I'd be doing this all day. You get the point. She's still crazy.