Friday

Leap Day Quote of the Day!

"George Bush is a thug, and he's criminally stupid."

- Cenk Uyger, The Young Turks

Actually, he said that yesterday, but I just heard it this morning whilst getting ready for work. Yeah, I used the word "whilst" - what of it?

Thursday

Sick Day

I'm truly sick for what I can honestly say is the first time this year...and it blows. I've spent the last three days with a constant feeling of nausea, but nothing ever has come to fruition. Looking back on things, I'd rather have spent the last 72 hours retching into a toilet bowl/trash can, than living with the constant fear of retching every I go. That is not fun. Sorry about the level of detail, but I'm telling you this virus is hell. Anyway, I thought I'd throw out some headlines today that don't have to do with the Clinton/Obama popularity contest, Walnut's newfound shape shifting abilities, or the Oscars.

From Wired (NSFW):

TED 2008: How Good People Turn Evil, From Stanford to Abu Ghraib

AP:

Karzai Only Controls 1/3 of Afghanistan

Good news, from Wonkette:

Liberal Elitist Democrat Wins 'Twenty Dollar' Bob Allen's Florida Seat

Funny news, from...Oh, you know who:

Bush Vows To Make It Up To Country Somehow

Finally, not news from "America's Most Trusted Name In News" Latest News section:

'Sleazy outcome' from TV show confessions Video

C-ya.

Wednesday

McCain's financial woes just gave me an idea

Unless you pay attention to politics like you get paid to do so, you may have missed the latest brouhaha breaking out between the DNC and McCain's campaign team. Apparently, Walnut's campaign applied for the FEC's public campaign finance assistance sometime last year when it looked like the campaign was about to run out of cash. Such funding comes with a stringent set of guidelines on how the money can be spent. To be fair to McCain, he never accepted any money from the FEC; nonetheless, the DNC has filed a complaint with the FEC saying that McCain's campaign should have to follow the guidelines regardless of the fact that no public funds were excepted.

WASHINGTON — Campaign aides to John McCain said Tuesday that the Arizona senator didn't have to abide by public-funding limits between now and September. They said that Democrats making an issue of it were engaging in political gamesmanship.


That's rich. Somebody's playing politics in an election year...Oh noes.

The fight pivots on whether McCain, who applied for public financing after his campaign hit financial problems last fall, is obligated to stay within the system even though he never took any public money.

McCain said he could withdraw from the system simply by telling the Federal Election Commission that he was doing so; Democrats filed a complaint Monday saying that he can't withdraw without FEC approval.


It hardly seems fair that McCain be forced to comply with rules regarding money that he never received, right? Except (my emphasis)...

The chairman of the FEC, David Mason, said in a Feb. 22 letter to McCain that the FEC must approve McCain's decision. Mason also wanted McCain to explain whether he'd used the potential public funds as collateral for a $4 million bank loan that his campaign received last fall; if he did, that would make it illegal for him to exit the system.

Trevor Potter, McCain's campaign lawyer, said Tuesday that the campaign never used its certificates for public funds as collateral for the loan. The campaign used all its assets — minus the public fund certificates — as well as "a commitment to raise money" as collateral, Potter said.


Hey, there ya go! They promised to raise money, and that promise was enough collateral for them to acquire a $4 million dollar loan. Because I'm sure McCain could have raised all the money in the world had he NOT won the Republican nomination. Banks make huge loans based on promises all the time, which is why I plan on walking into a bank this morning and asking for a $500,000 loan.

"Hi bank manager person. Look it. If you give me $500,000 today, I intend to raise money with your money, and I pinky promise I will pay you back in the near future."

Ugh! It's like these guys aren't even trying to be creative liars anymore.

I have a question that came to mind as I was writing this:

Let's say Walnut's campaign manager is telling the truth, and the bank actually did give them a loan based a fairy tale wishes and rainbow dream promises of future earning potential. What the fuck did these guys know about the outcome of the primaries that the rest of the GOP candidates didn't? You can be damn sure that they weren't about to saddle themselves with a $4 million personal debt unless they were guaranteed to get that money in the future. Conservatives only fuck away other peoples' money on loans without any concern of from where the repayment will come.

Given the Republican's penchant for "modifying" election results, this question might merit some further investigation. I'm not saying anything; I'm just saying.

Tuesday

Why does this guy still have his own show?

via bluegal at C&L

Glenn Beck is at constant war with Tucker Carlson - not the kind of war that good Conservatives like themselves are courageously waging against the Liberal bias in the media. No, no. They are at war with each other to garner the coveted prize of absolute worst ratings in prime time news/opinion shows. With that said, it baffles me that networks still consider either of them relevant, let alone give them their own shows. It's no surprise that people are turning away from Beck and Carlson in record droves what with their opinions being so painfully confusing to discern.

To wit, here is an excerpt from Glenn Beck's latest appearance on NPR's Morning addition:

Beck, a recovering alcoholic, says he needed to bottom out before he could recover. He says the conservative movement might need to do the same thing…

“Let [Democrat] Barack Obama get in, let them put these policies in. It will either work, or it will be a disaster.”


I wonder which one Glenn is hoping for? Oh, yeah this one:

Such a scenario would be good for the conservative movement, Beck says: “Jimmy Carter gave us Ronald Reagan. Bill Clinton gave us Newt Gingrich. Every time there is this swing to extreme, the other side comes back with real conservative values, and you start to move forward again.”


Newt Gingrich??? (Hold on a sec, I'm laughing too hard to type at the moment. Oh, screw the whole 'discerning their opinion thing' - attempting to determine what he thinks "real conservative values" are may cause premature death.)

---

---

Okay, okay - I'm back. Seriously, Glenn? Bill Clinton gave your party Newt Gingrich? And you think that's a good thing? He's probably one of the most despicable hypocrites in modern history. The man spearheaded the Clinton impeachment during which time he was having an affair WHILE still married to his SECOND wife - a woman he married after having an affair with her WHILE still being married to his FIRST wife, who just happened to be dying of cancer WHILE the FIRST affair was taking place.

All that nonsense about Gingrich aside, doesn't it sound like Glenn is rooting for a Democratic president to get elected only to have the country take a big crap so a Republican can usher in a new wave of Conservative ideals? That doesn't sound like the same Glenn Beck who blows a gasket every somebody criticizes his Dear Leader. "Hey you mother fucker, we're are at war and you have the gall to come on my show and say that about our Commander-in-Chief." Alright, maybe he never said those words exactly. Now he can sue me for libel.

(I doubt he does. I'm guessing his legal consultation for 2-3 hours is more than my net worth at the moment.)

Back to radio:

Beck says the conservative he admires most these days is former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), who was defeated for re-election in 2006. “I think this guy really has it. I think he really understands the world we live in right now.”


Yep. The guy who is vehemently opposed to gay marriage on the grounds that it will lead to nationwide acceptance of bestiality "really understands the world we live in right now."

Why the hell did I even bother writing all that. I could have summed this whole post into one sentence:

Glenn Beck is an asshole, and he's batshit crazy to boot.

Hard to imagine isn't it, Walnuts?

John McCain seems like he's been taken slightly off guard by the fact that people are actually paying attention to his rhetoric, particularly when it comes to his comments on Iraq. I mean, what the hell media folks - you're only supposed to criticize Democrats you S.O.B.s. It's seems like he's getting a tad delusional too:

On his campaign bus on Monday, McCain pointed out U.S. troops were still stationed in Japan, Germany, South Korea and Bosnia although those wars have ended.

"We will succeed in Iraq and the Iraqis will take over their responsibilities. Americans will withdraw. But Americans may have, as they have in so many other countries, a security arrangement far into the future," he said.


Good point about Germany, Korea, etc. Although, I'd be remiss not to point out that those permanent military bases were established after the signing of various peace treaties and cease fires. Is McCain suggesting that we start negotiating and signing peace treaties with al Qaeda because I don't think the Republican party base is going to go for that. I don't know what I'd like to see more: A reporter with the temerity to ask that question, or McCain's fumbled response to it.

Anyway, back to Old Man Cranky Pants:

McCain said his potential Democratic rivals have distorted his January comment that U.S. forces may need to remain in Iraq for up to 100 years. Speaking at a campaign event in suburban Cleveland, Ohio, he said that referred to a long-term American presence similar to those in South Korea or Kuwait.


Actually John, you should ease up on this one because you also said we could be there for another 10,000 years. So why don't you chill with the indignation at this point. You're gonna say a lot of dumb shit over the next few months. What's this now:

"My friends, the war will be over soon ... for all intents and purposes, although the insurgency will go on for years and years and years," the Arizona senator said. "But it will be handled by the Iraqis, not by us."


There. Ya hear that Democrats? The war will be over soon because Walnuts says so. It's funny...I thought we declared "mission accomplished" like five years ago. Where the hell would I get an idea like that?



Whoops! So the war will be over soon, but the insurgency might last for years and years to come - maybe even 10,000!

Oy!


PS: By the way, Mary Mapes was on the Young Turks yesterday talking about the media and the right wing attack machine, and she flat out said that journalists are literally afraid of attacking Republican politicians on hard hitting serious issues because of the retaliation from G.O.P. operatives. Watch the segment here. It's only about four minutes, and it's worth watching if only to hear her reaction to the question about reporters' apprehension (well, total lack thereof) about attacking Democrats.

Monday

"A Festivul of Ignorance"



If you don't think that is freakin' awesome, you probably shouldn't be reading this blog.

Ralph Nader = Asshole

And he's managed to find his way back onto the Top Ten Conservative Idiots list again. Now he's decided to mix a little crazy in with his ego stew:

leave it to Ralph Nader to declare last week that, "If the Democrats can't landslide the election this year, they ought to just wrap up, close down."


WTF? How about you wrap up, close down, buddy? Pretty please? No one's interested anymore, and even though you constantly here talking heads warning all of us to be careful about blaming the results of the 2000 election on Nader, I don't have to as P.C. as them: Ralph Nader. George W. Bush is your fucking fault, dickhead!

Friday

Friday Afternoon Fun...

What a week. St. McCain is not so saintly, Cross dressing federal judges, the list goes on...

via Red State Update



Jeebus, those guys are teh funny.

I was just clued into this video last weekend. I've never actually seen anyone acting
like this at a bar, but if I did, I imagine I'd burst a blood vessel from laughing so hard.



Favorite line: "Yeah, I fucking grunt when I'm gettin' my swell on at the gym. I want everybody to look at me and see how jacked and tan I am."

In keeping with the whole idiocy meme that I've started here, I give you: Power Thirst.



And now with even more gratuitous amounts of energy:



I've actually been bear-blasting before, and it's usually a bad situation for all parties involved.

Well, that's it for this week. I have a big weekend of hump-catting ahead of me.

Peace out.

Sidenote:

If I get one more jingoistic, rah-rah Amuuurrica, willful-ignorance-combined-with blind patriotism email, something is gonna get fuckin' broken. I just got one this morning that is so moronic I won't insult anyone by posting it here. It's about someone's wet dream of a presidential address, and after reading it, I felt like I had been up until 3:00 a.m. drinking Steel Reserve forties.

ZOMG!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

found this pile of shite at Bob Cesca's place



3...2...1...Ka-boom!

----

No, that explosion wasn't a terrorist attack. That was the sound of my head exploding approximately 1:20 seconds into that ad. How pathetic has GOP become to be running crap like this? For the love of Mary, all the Democrats want to do to this bill is take retroactive immunity away from major telecom companies that willfully helped the administration break another G-D law. This whole fucking argument is ridiculous. And by continuously making the claim that said immunity must be included in this bill, these fear mongering assholes have clearly demonstrated that they think the interests and rights of individuals in this country are subordinate to those of huge corporations that fill their political coffers. That fact is inarguable.

And for the record, Jay Rockefeller (D - Bush Dog Democratville) can suck a nut!

Thursday

Hilarious

Go read this post at SadlyNo! immediately. I don't want to ruin anything, but this line (out of context - you have to read the entire post) is one of the funniest things I've read in a long freakin' time...

As a registered Democrat, I officially scare this person more than Nazi skinheads do.


Sweet! I guess that means I'm a pretty scary S.O.B. myself. I've always wondered what that would feel like, and now I know. I can only hope my intimidation factor doesn't go to my head, or I might end up getting my ass kicked by an even scarier Democrat this weekend.

Total Idiot

Yeah, I'm talkin' 'bout Bay Buchanan. I caught this on Crooks and Liars this morning:

Bay: "This is not the Democratic Party, this is a party of values. We assume our candidates have been loyal to their family."


What??? Give me a few minutes to stop laughing...

---

---

Okay, I'm back.

A) Thank God it's not the Democratic Party. We have enough problems to deal with let alone being total hypocrites on damn near everything our politicians say.

B) WTF? Put down the pipe, honey. Your crack induced hallucinations just aren't as awesome as those of SpongeJonah DoughPants or Coultergeist's.

How is that assumption working out for you?

Party of values? It must really suck to be a conservative...Constantly judging everyone else that doesn't kowtow their political ideology only to have to turn around and apologize on a daily basis for one of their political leaders' gaffes. That has to get old.

Wednesday

This brand of bullshit...

...is why I've been weary of supporting Hillary Clinton in the primary:

via ABC News Blogs

This morning brings the news that the campaign of Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, has launched a new website where they are announcing how they are officially preparing to make the case that the rules of the Democratic nomination process should be changed.

Among many "facts" they declare are some accurate ones, such as the idea that superdelegates, which in true nomenclatural dexterity they now term "automatic delegates" "are expected to exercise their best judgment in the interests of the nation and the Democratic Party."

But then comes this juicy non-fact:

"FACT: Florida and Michigan should count, both in the interest of fundamental fairness and honoring the spirit of the Democrats' 50-state strategy."

That's not a fact, that's an opinion.


WTF, Hill's campaign people? First you float the idea of going after Obama's pledged delegates, and when that blew up in your faces you come up with an even more incendiary strategy? And while this seems particularly insane, John Cole may have hit the nail on the head:

That is their plan. Blow up the party and hope they are the ones still standing when the smoke clears.


I'm having a hard time believing that this issue is that cynical, but I'm not ruling anything out. Although, let's just say for a second that Cole is absolutely right, and the Clinton camp is actually trying to create such a fracas within the party that only they come out on top. In my opinion then, that makes them no better than Rovian cabal that orchestrated some of the most deceitful political hatchet jobs in history, which consequentially gave us eight years of the most lawless, corrupt, and shameful administration this country has ever had to suffer.

And the fact that they're pulling this shit at a time when the Democratic party more united than ever - at least the non-politician members of the party. Well, Cole's hypothesis is their true intention, then their true intention is beyond disgraceful.

Like Cole, I just sent twenty-five more bucks to Obama too.

UPDATE: Don't get me wrong. If Clinton ends up getting the nomination (regardless of how that occurs), I will unequivocally back her 100%.

UPDATE II: I apologize for the awful syntax and grammar in those last few paragraphs. I tried to write that post in about five minutes before I had to go to a meeting.

Oh! Here's a surprise

via The Guardian

Musharraf vows not to resign

He does technically have a five year term that he can complete, but who would've thought that the guy who recently suspended a country's constitution so he could fire judges, who are aligned against him politically, would refuse to go away after getting his ass handed to him in an election? I for one never saw that coming.

This line from The Guardian story struck me as being particularly ironic (my notes):

Aitzaz Ashan, a lawyer under house arrest for the last three months, speaking of Musharraf: "He is the most despised person in the country. Why should the Americans and Brits continue to put pennies in his cap? I don't understand."


Cause, dude. That's how we do it. Hell, one can make a pretty solid argument that our own President and Vice President are the most despised people in this country (Dick Cheney's approval rating was 9% at one point for shit's sake!) and Congress has given them a blank check for the last seven years! Where has this Ashan fellow been...oh, yeah...Pakistan. To be fair to Mr. Ashan, I too don't understand much of anything we do anymore.

I can't speak for the British.

Tuesday

I'm Feeling Sadistic Today

I'm warning you in advance, this is painful.



I could roll off about a thousand smart ass comments about these morons with this post, but I don't think I'm going to. The reason being is I'm scared. I'm scared because jackasses like these vote. They have way too much political clout, and the fact that we have (had) candidates trying to pander to these people doesn't bode well for the future of America.

As an added sadistic treat, here is Michelle Malkkkins newest attempt to make herself become even more irrelevant:

via TRex and TBogg



That freakin' blows on so many levels it's hard to pick a starting point. Yeah, I'm not even gonna touch it. Seriously, sister. It's like you're not even trying anymore.

Monday

If this is the future of the Republican Party...

...I'm feeling a whole lot better about the future. (Good luck trying to make it through this clip in one piece - I did it, but I'm still about half fucked up from the weekend.)

via horsesass



Introducing Brock Olivo, Republican candidate for Congress in Massachusetts's 9th district. A man who makes Ben Johnson look like hybrid combination of Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein.

Brock's qualifications: He took social studies. And apparently, judging from the people who were out there to support Brock he couldn't be running any sooner. Seriously, the average age of that crowd looks to be about 109.

If this wasn't so truthfully sad, it'd be really, really, really funny instead of just really funny.

You Stay Classy Conservatives!

Sipping coffee, recovering from the weekend, and reading the Top Ten at DU has pretty much become standard fare for me these days. Nothing like some conservative dumbassery to start the week. Not much surprises me anymore when it comes to the shenanigans of the conservative psyche, but I'll admit I was a bit taken aback by some of these items up for sale at CPAC:



Funny ha ha! I'd rather you all be water boarded too!



"???" Indeed.

And now for the Coup de grâce.



Hillary - arious! Hillary Clinton is a bitch. Boy howdy, they really stuck it to her with that original, creative, and witty expression of uber-classiness.

Way-2-Go losers!

Friday

Friday Morning Awesome

I have way too much work to get done today before I can leave town for the first wedding of the year = no fun stuff today. Aside from that, people who know me are aware that I have what could be considered a mentally debilitating obsession with Pearl Jam, and the new "Into The Wild" soundtrack isn't helping things. With that said, I leave you with this:



Have a great weekend!

Thursday

Unquestioningly Unconscionable

I lost all my respect for CNN several months ago...right around the time the had a picture of OBL on screen with a subtitle that read "Where's Obama?" I now have negative respect for CNN. I just caught this screen shot not more than a few minutes ago (I apologize in advance for my shitty photoshopping skills. This was done with Power Point and Paint as I'm still looking for an affordable image editor.):



"Hey! Are you there? Send us pictures of anguished people who may very well have just experienced the most traumatic experience they will ever endure. C'mon...it's what the people want. Be a part of real 'reality TV'"

The news has become entertainment. What the fuck does that seven word line say about the state of our society? I'm fucking sick to my stomach.

This is cliche, but my heartfelt sorrow to the victims and their families. I don't know what else to say.

UPDATE: It's 7:55 a.m. on Friday and those fucks still have that damn link up!

I ♥ Huckabee

You may have already seen or heard Huckabee's newest dumbass remark of the day, but I thought it worth sharing just in case - especially on V's day because I love the guy that damn much:

via McClatchy

"I know people say that the math doesn't work out," Huckabee said this week. "Folks, I didn't major in math. I majored in miracles, and I still believe in those, too."


That's all well and good, Mike. I would expect that someone who vehemently dismisses evolution as a myth and thinks Adam and Eve saddled up triceratops in The Garden of Eden probably would think it's still possible to win 96% of the remaining delegates. Btw, how does someone "major in miracles", Governor? Is that like where they teach you to pray really hard so that your toast comes out with an image of Jesus burnt into it?

You hang there, Huck. You are a comedic wet dream.

As an added Valentine's Day bonus:

"Baby experiences what is what like 6,000 years ago in the Garden of Eden."

Wednesday

Ugh...

...Just ugh.



I bitch about the media constantly - to a point where not only do the people around me get tired of hearing my complaining, but quite frankly I get tired of hearing myself. After watching this video, I'm starting to think that a person could bitch about the MSM until infinity + 1 and be justified in doing so.

via C&L.

Tuesday

Please Don't Buy Axe

I have to agree with Melissa that it does quite literally stink, and again I agree with her that their ad campaigns are so wrought with overt sexism that they make Howard Stern seem like Susan B. Anthony. (Well okay, maybe not that bad.) Sometimes I think that I might be over reacting to these ads, though. They are targeting horny high school and college males who spend 98% of the day thinking about one thing - I was there once - Hell, I'm still there just older and hopefully wiser. But then the ad wizards find a new way to cast a spell of disbelief over me. To wit:



Hahahahahahahahahaha! OMG! She's wearing an Obama button. Melissa of Shakespeare's Sister makes a good point that I hadn't originally noticed:

Btw, for further amusement, note how this ad uses an attractive picture of Hillary. Usually, of course, the assholes using images of Hillary as part of their sexist editorials against her deliberately choose the most unflattering photos they can find. But because this is an Axe ad, it can't feature an ugly chick—so Hillary gets finally gets to look good, only to be demeaned in another way. Awesome.


Awesome indeed.

The Day After Cheney Day

For those of you who don't know, yesterday was a very important holiday here in America - Dick Cheney Day. A day that I annually like to kick off by celebrating the fact that I for one, have never been shot in the face by a drunken old neo-con. That's right...Yesterday, it was two years to the day that our current veep shot a 78 year old Texas attorney in the face with a 28 gauge Perazzi shotgun.

Which brings us to today, February 12th, The Day After Cheney Day. This is also another, lesser known/celebrated national holiday. This is the day every year when you apologize to someone that has seriously wronged you in the past year. Yep, you read that correctly - on The Day After Cheney Day, YOU APOLOGIZE for getting screwed over, seriously injured, etc. to the person that caused your perceived injustice. For example, take the incident that is this holiday's namesake. After being released from the hospital, Harry Whittington apologized to the V.P. for placing his face, shoulder, and chest in the way of Cheney's shotgun blast as they hunted tame, domesticated quail. He realized he should not have been so errant with the positioning of his body anywhere in front of, behind, in the same county as the V.P. with a shotgun and subsequently apologized.

So now that you see how this holiday works, get to it!

Monday

No You Can't!

More of Walnuts inspiring people for your Monday afternoon.



How big of a dumbass do you have to be to offer people $50/hour to pick lettuce. Fuck John, I'll do it for $35/hour - you can use the other $15/hour for your 10,000 year plan.

10,000 Years!

McCain inspires folks...



That guy breathing into the bag at the end cracks me up.

WTF?

The clowns running Faux News are just getting pathetic at this point...



Democrat? Huh.

In other news, Put Buchanan has been quoted as saying "John McCain will make Dick Cheney look like Gandhi..." Thud. (Head hits desk as blogger passes out from an overdose of hyperbole.)

Sunday

3200???

When I was an undergrad I dated a girl from Maine, who grew up in a pretty small town. Actually, it was smaller than the town I grew up in, something I didn't think existed. Nonetheless, I'm pretty fuckin' sure there were more than 3200 people in her home town! Sweet Jeebus. Wake up folks - you're telling me in the entire state of Maine only 3200 Democrats voted? This is kind of important!

Maine Caucuses-President
Democratic
REPORTING: 91%
Candidate

Votes

Barack Obama: 1878
Hillary Clinton: 1305
Uncommitted: 17
Total Votes: 3200

Friday

Life After The Presidency

I'm reading the newest installment of the Beast is Red and I think I just discovered what Bush intends to do after leaving office: Comedy. Check out this quote from his speech at CPAC today, and try to tell me I'm wrong.

"Dick Cheney is the greatest vice-president in the history of the United States."


Now if that doesn't have you ROFLMAO, hang it up because there is no help for you.

A Textbook Example...

...of what not to do. I understand their cause, and I can empathize with their feelings and admire their determination. However, Code Pink may have screwed the proverbial pooch with this demonstration.



The United States Marine Corps did not start this war. Neo-cons and imperialists did by lying to and manipulating the entire nation. Berkeley doesn't want the Marines in their town anymore, wev!...fine. But about the time you start saying dumb shit like "...meet unusual people and kill them", you will unleash a torrent of hell from the right wing the likes of which will make the infamous "Patraeus or Betray-us" ad look like a Care Bears commercial.

UPDATE: Screw Laura Ingraham...why is she even on TV? This is exactly what I was talking about.

Yeah...What you're seeing is right...

...because quite honestly, I've grown absolutely sick of that old template. I really need to learn some actual HTML programming skills so I can do this shit correctly. But for now, this is what we're going with. I'm sorry if anyone is pissed, but I just couldn't take that old, horrid template anymore. Sorry again.

This template is kind of generic but much easier on the eyes. I think I will have some free time to f&%k around with designs in a couple of months, and hopefully, things will get better (It might actually be one or two months). In the meantime bear with me.

Thanks - Tribe

(P.S.: This has been a long time coming as I've been thinking over changing the look for the last few weeks, and my alcohol fueled respite from M.L.P's CPAC chronicles has given me just enough motivation to actually make the change.)

Thursday

God Save Mister Leonard Pierce

I've been reading through Mister Leonard Pierce's Tales of Opiate Pacified CPAC Adventures this evening - I'm trying to get caught up because just before I left my apartment for a meeting that started at 7:00 p.m., I'd noticed that almost eight chapters of woe had been posted at SadlyNo!.

It hardly seems fair to comment on any of his experiences, and quite frankly there is no need to do so seeing as how he apparently quasi-live blogged his entire weekend. In all actuality, I wasn't planning on writing anything about this. I was perfectly content sitting in front of my computer sipping beer while reading about his nightmarish ordeal (I wish I had his "c-word"ourage).

But as I've been delving deeper into this chronicle of liberal heroism, I've noticed that my background playlist has gotten progressively more interesting freakish as hell. So rather than comment on the story itself (of which I will link to every chapter), I thought it would be fun to share my choices of background songs as they correspond to chapter number and beer count. I don't have to be in a lab until noon tomorrow, and it's going to be an easy day regardless. (Keep in mind this idea only hit me after reading the first three chapters; so some of this is post-hoc.)

I should note that when I'm seriously trying to read and digest something I can listen to the same song many, many times in a row before I change it. And these chapters are fairly quick reads, but when I started, I was skimming the pages of about four different sites simultaneously to break up the monotony, but that quickly changed about two-thirds of the way through Chapter 2.

Chapters One...Two...Three

Song: Tchaiskovsky - Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy

I'm dead frickin' serious...after reading the thing about the YAF trust fund slackasses trying to check into a hotel with a credit card that didn't belong to either one of them, I knew I was about to travel through the looking glass, which is why I went with a song that kind of makes me feel weirdly secure.

Beer count: 3


Okay, I have to share something from the epic here (Romney announced the suspension of his campaign at CPAC):

Now comes doomsday: “Because I love this country, I entered this race, and because I love this country, I am leaving it.” Unfortunately, he means the race, not the country; I was hoping he was going to move to Paris and take a run for mayor against that dirty Red queer they have now.


Translation of Willard's campaign suspension: Mitt's taking his ball and going home for the next two days until Saturday's primaries because McCain's campaign people screwed him in West Virginia.

Chapters 4 and 5.

Song: Blue Oyster Cult - Veteran of the Psychic Wars

Beer count: 5


I gotta go with what I feel comfortable with now because the whole Romney dropping out thing is making me feel giddy as I foresee the impending liquification (new word) of Rush and Ann's brains as Huckabee is surely going to close the gap now that he is sure to garner Mitten's votes.

I've now switched to a Janis Joplin/Judee Sill playlist. Why? I don't know.

Thank God...I'm on the last two Chapters (since the last time I refreshed the page - 0101): Seis et Siete.

Judee Sill is singing about aliens or something in the background (Enchanted Sky Machines), and I've only got one chapter left. Good Lord! She was crazy as all hell, but I would've loved to hang out with her.

0111 - I'm D-O-N-E. Sorry for the military time, but that's about all I have left. I'm glad I went with the girls for the last two chapters. This was almost surreal - as if I was in that South Park episode in which E.T.s have a reality show based on Earth.

Song: Janis Joplin - Take Another Little Piece of My Heart

Beer count: ??? I'll know in the morning when I take the recycling out


As a good faith, yet circumstantial gesture I will share my favorite picture and quote taken and written by M.L.P:


The Regency Ballroom: LOOK AT ALL OF OUR FLAGS! TOP THAT, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU CAN’T!


And with that sports fans, I leave you with this...



This mutha-effer is out! Peace, bitchez!

A Pantload of Doughy Goodness

I've tried to refrain from writing about the Doughy Pantload's newest opus (Gawd, I feel dirty even linking to the Amazon search page) of indomitable dumbassery - The folks at SadlyNo! (not to mention a slew of others) have hilariously shredded that nonsensical, illogical, would-rather-use-it-as-toilet-paper, p.o.s. book like a fresh head of cabbage. This is not to say, however, that I haven't been enjoying a few Schadenfreude cocktails while perusing the comments of some of Jonah's glowing reviews from the book's blog. Something else I've been weary about mostly because I'm afraid of reading one of these and literally dying of laughter. It's possible people.

For those of you who haven't been following the Pantload saga: Jonah has written a book titled Liberal Fascism: A book where I prove that Progressivism is the secret man-love spawn of a drunken one night stand between Mussolini and Hitler. No really, he does make that connection, and many others for that matter. It's a crazier compilation than most of those Kids Rock CDs that you can't watch TV for more than fifteen minutes without seeing a commercial for. (Yes, yes, preposition laziness)

Anyway, I was checking TBogg's latest dose of literary kick ass this morning when I came across this fucking mess...uh, comment at Jonah's blog:

Jonah, I just finished your book and loved it. I work in the environmental compliance field and I’ve been witness to some of the fascist tendencies among environmentalists. You nailed them.


Oh shit. Not another one these. This should be good. Nothing screams fascism like environmental policy...

However, I was struck by one thing that you didn’t go into in your book – no doubt to keep your sanity. I think the Federal government’s policy toward Native Americans in the early 20th century may qualify as the ultimate Progressive experiment. The damage these policies – breaking up reservations, boarding schools, etc. — caused to the tribes is now clear, and post-modern anthropologists categorize the anthropologists and others responsible for the policies at that time as colonial oppressors, racists, hegemonists, capitalist swine, or whatever. But these people were often do-gooders who thought they were helping the Native American assimilate into the national culture and escape cultures that were unsuited to modern life and doomed to extinction.

I’m a far cry from an expert on this period, but some of what the early Progressives were saying (as quoted in your book) sound similar to what the people responsible for Indian policy said at the time.

Is it just a coincident(sic) or were they strongly influenced by Progressive thought. You got me interested, and I’m going to be doing some more research into this.


And of course, not one to pass up the chance to be a complete sycophant as modest as any of the other wingnuts, Jonah replied...

Me: Sounds interesting, but I know very little about early 20th century policy toward the Indians, and that's an understatement.


...which seems pretty harmless on the surface. Here's the thing that cracked me up about all this: Jonah doesn't want to...claims he can't...comment on the Liberal destruction? of all things Native American because of his lack of knowledge on a single early 20th century policy. Yet he wrote a 496 page book that pretty much proves he knows nothing about any policy from any period in the 20th century. Almost every page of this book is a demonstration of nothing more than Jonah's own solipsism.

Personally, I would have thought that Jonah, after realizing the fact that this is another opportunity to link two things he knows obviously nothing about to the Third Reich, would've gotten right to work on an addendum to his book (to be added to paperback copies, natch).

Jonah, you somehow managed to link JFK to fascism for crap's sake. I would think that a few pages dedicated to a subject a banal as the eeviiil Liberals' destruction of the Native American culture shouldn't take you more than six or seven months.

Fuck! My brain hurts now.

Wednesday

S-W-E-E-T!

This is gonna be awesome because these two guys are themselves 'teh' awesome.

Tuesday

Yeah, I'll go with this...

I'm Catch 22. Okay.




You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of
people.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Super Tuesday Reminder...

via SadlyNo! Productions

Regardless of who you may be voting for today (if you're voting), remember, Bush is still an idiot.

Monday

Lunes...Awesome! Just Awesome!

I pretty much thought this day was gonna suck (considering how much money I lost last night!) until I saw this video...This is SO! FRICKIN'! K-I-C-K! A-S-S!!! I can barely contain myself.



This line will live in infamy..."There has never been anything false about hope".

Credit where credit is due...I found this via TRex via Bob Cesca

Lunes...Suck!

3...2...1...go!

Well, I'll be the first to admit that I was dead wrong about the G-men. They pulled it off last night, and to that I say "Good on 'em". But while the country was wrapped in football fervor combined with beer commercial consumerism, the state of the union remained weak and unacceptable. By the way, what the hell was up with the reading of DoI before the game - on Fox (I'm surprised that they actually got it right - I would've thought they'd try to change at least one or two lines!)?

Anywho...I'm trying to catch up from the weekend (I was out of town) and I came across this line from DU regarding Bushie's SOTU address (from this week's Top Ten):

Honestly, Bush might as well have stood up in front of Congress and farted for an hour. It couldn't have stunk any worse, and at least it would have been funny.


Oh. Fart jokes on a Monday morning. It's what gets a guy like me through life.