Friday

These guys are starting to do our jobs for us (Updated)...

It's becoming pretty routine and subsequently less funny watching the model wingnut being handed his/her ass on national television, but this appearance by Micheal Goldfarb on CNN merits some sort of new super-classification of conservative dumb-assery (via TBogg):



Is it possible to snark yourself or is this phenomenon something that happens when a person resorts to snorting Cheetos* dust as means of dulling the pain associated with coming to the realization that you're a complete dumb ass.

*Cf.

UPDATE: Okay. TRex thinks that Goldtard was referring to Rev. Wright. I hate to disagree with Mr. Rex, but I think that's giving Mike a little too much credit. I don't think that Goldfarb has the slightest fucking clue as to what he's talking about in this particular interview.

More unsurprising hubris from members of the administration

Honestly. Are they really so stupid as to think that no one would catch on to this, or do they seriously just not give a shit anymore?

(via McClatchy)

Attorney general's private trips have cost taxpayers $155,800


Compared to the usual level of wasteful spending from administration officials, $155,000 is like a tear drop in the ocean; however, it's not so much the money that bothers me. It's the sheer audacity of these people, and the fact that they never apologize for, or make any attempt to hide their arrogance. They constantly kick the American public in its metaphorical nut sack while Congress sits around debating how much of a pay raise to give themselves.

Attorney General Michael Mukasey has taken personal trips on government jets almost every weekend since he took office less than a year ago at a cost to taxpayers of more than $155,800, Justice Department and Federal Aviation Administration travel records show.

Mukasey took so many personal trips on FAA, FBI or Drug Enforcement Administration planes that he was out of Washington for almost half or more of February, May, July and September, according to the records...


Guess he must have taken a class on workmanship from his boss...

Roll out the defenses:

Justice Department officials defended Mukasey's personal travel, saying he has no choice but to fly on a government plane to see his family. Mukasey, unlike most other cabinet members, is required to fly on government planes, rather than commercial ones, for security reasons.

"When he travels personally, the attorney general pays what any other government official would pay for a commercial flight to that location," Justice Department spokesman Peter Carr said in a statement. "It would be unfair to penalize financially the attorney general because he is one of the few government officials required to use government aircraft for all travel."


I agree. I would be unfair, but...

For example, the attorney general reimbursed the Justice Department $128.80 for a round-trip ticket to New York. The actual cost to the government, according to the department: $4,021.32.


Ohhhhhhh!

In February, Mukasey flew to Orlando, Fla. with his wife and four other relatives. Under travel regulations, officials who are required to travel by government aircraft are permitted to take relatives with them as long as they reimburse the taxpayers for the equivalent coach fare, which Mukasey did, officials said. For that trip, he paid $2,173. The actual cost to the government, according to the Justice Department: $12,250.


Double-ohhhhhh!

And then there was this outstanding display of anatomical knowledge from a Pentagon spokesperson:

During the same time period, Defense Secretary Robert Gates took fewer than six personal trips, and he also reimbursed the government at coach fares...<snip> but spokesman Bryan Whitman said that, "you can count on one hand" the number of personal trips Gates took in fiscal 2008.


I hope you can count fewer than six trips on one hand because if you can count more than six on one hand you've got a pretty serious condition that you might want to get checked out.

I could keep going, but I think I'll sit here at my desk and just shake my head for awhile.

For those of you who don't know...

...Sheetz Coffee S-U-C-K-S! The sucktastic suckiness of Sheetz Coffee is unparalleled. This is not an opinion, this is a fact. You can't argue the point or present evidence to the contrary because there exists no such proof of unsuckitude. If the suckworthiness of Sheetz coffee could manifest itself in human form, I imagine the result would be akin to a love-child hybrid spawned from a George Bush/Michelle Bachmann dry-humping session after a State of the Union Address - the afterbirth, of course, taking shape in the form of a mini-Cheney wielding an Uzi that fires nothing but forged signatures onto presidential signing statements from a "undisclosed" location.

So this election season I encourage you to boycott Sheetz coffee and Republican dry-love babies.

Thursday

Teh Stoopid

I wish I could type something reminiscent of the sound I made with my mouth whilst reading this part of a post at C&L:

If he gets his way, Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, also known as "Joe the Plumber," plans to enjoy a lot more than just 15 minutes of fame. Two weeks after emerging as the Republican Party's favorite proxy for the American working man, Mr. Wurzelbacher has signed a management deal meant to keep him in the public eye past next week's election and earn him some money at the same time, preferably as a show business personality.

"Joe the Plumber is fast becoming a brand," said Jim Della Croce, president of the Nashville-based Pathfinder Management group, who is part of the trio that will be representing Mr. Wurzelbacher from now on. "He is a dynamic speaker and an everyman who has become an overnight celebrity. It's going to be our job to find Joe's strengths and give him some options."


Good luck. It would be funnier if it wasn't so tragic.

Shocked!

Here's a big fuckin' surprise:

Exxon Mobil: Biggest profit in U.S. history

The company's earnings were buoyed by oil prices (No shit?), which reached record highs in the quarter before declining. Oil prices were trading at $140.97 a barrel at the beginning of the third quarter, and had fallen to $100.64 at the end.


It's weird how even when the global economy is sucking chicken balls these oil companies still manage to earn record profits isn't it?

I liked this line (and by "liked" I mean "I wanted to bang my head off my desk until I rendered myself unconscious for the rest of the morning"):

The company said it lost $50 million, before taxes, in oil revenues because of Hurricanes Gustav and Ike.


Wow...$50 million!? That's a whole one-third of one percent of their profit for the third quarter. I hope they can manage to stay "buoyed" after such an incredibly staggering loss. Make sure you keep Exxon's corporate executives in your prayers and also vote Republican next Tuesday so we can make sure these Fortune 500 companies get more tax cuts than a family of six living just above the poverty line. They deserve the break!

Wednesday

In which I celebrate the First Amendment...

...and the batshit craziness that goes along with its granted freedoms - especially speech (via Pam's House Blend).

Fresh from Janet Porter's Hotline to Heaven at the WorldNutDaily:

You cannot be a Christian and vote for Obama

To all those who name the name of Christ who plan to willfully disobey Him by voting for Obama, take warning. Not only is our nation in grave danger, according to the Word of God, so are you.


For serious?

First, the facts on life: On July 17, 2007, Barack Obama spoke to Planned Parenthood and said:

On this fundamental issue of [abortion rights], I will not yield and Planned Parenthood will not yield. ... The first thing I'll do as president is sign the Freedom of Choice Act. That's the first thing that I'd do. ...

And what is the "Freedom of Choice Act"? It would completely federalize the abortion issue and strike down all state laws from parental notification to the Woman's Right to Know Laws to bans on partial-birth abortion, declaring them null and void with the stroke of an Obama pen.

In one week, America will make a choice. And to those who call themselves "Christian" who are planning on voting for Barack Obama, put down the Obama talking points and read God's voter guide before you go to the polls:

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live (Deuteronomy 30:19).

But you think this issue doesn't matter? God felt so strongly about it that he carved it in stone:

You shall not murder (Exodus 20:13).

Think you can love God and still vote against life? In John 14:15, Jesus said:

If you love Me, keep My commandments.

Yes, and "Thou shall not murder" made the top 10.


Word! I like that one too. At least when other people aren't killing me, but I plan on voting for Obama, which means I'm going to hell, which means I might as well start doing whatever the hell I want - I'm cursed anyway.

More scripture please:

Barack Obama and many of his followers claim to be Christian. But Isaiah 29:13 says:

Therefore the Lord said: "Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, But have removed their hearts far from Me, And their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men" (Isaiah 29:13).


Christian...Christ...New Testament. Isiah...BC...Old Testament??? Ah, what do I know. I'm not a Christian anymore because Janet Porter said so.

Take us outta here, crazy lady.

Be forewarned: If you willfully disobey God on life and marriage because of race or false hope for the economy, you will usher in the kind of change that brought the Soviet Union to collapse.

But the warning goes far beyond that. To those who think that God's grace gives them license to willfully disobey Him without consequences – think again:

Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord," shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, "Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?" And then I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!" (Matthew 7:21-23)

That deals with your eternity. Matthew 7:26-27 says if you don't obey God, prepare for a crash even sooner that that:

But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn't obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash (Matthew 7:26-27).

I just hope you won't take the rest of the nation with you.


Bzzzzzt. Back up 25 verses, Janet:

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. (Matthew 7:1)"

Ooops.

If the word of God matters more to you than your perception of personal gain, Joel 2:12 issues a call to repentance I pray you will heed:

"Now, therefore," says the LORD, 'Turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning'" (Joel 2:12).

Then obey Him in the voting booth and out of it. If not, do us all a favor and quit calling yourself a Christian.


The unwritten yet universally known 11th commandment given to Moses by the Lord, God, on top of Mount Sinai:

"Thou shalt cast thine electronic ballot for a Republican if thou art to consider thyself a true Christian like Janet Porter. For he who votes for a Democrat votes to condemn himself to an eternity in the Lake of Fire."

From the Old Testament book of Janetporterhasseriousproblems.

Thanks, CNN

I always know that I can count on CNN to fuck up what is otherwise a perfectly good morning...Case in point - this commentary by Campbell Brown:

Obama breaks promise on campaign finance

Where to start.

1) So did St. Walnuts McSame. Except what McCain did was tantamount to money laundering.

2) Then there's this:

He broke his promise and he explained it by arguing that the system is broken and that Republicans know how to work the system to their advantage. He argued he would need all that cash to fight the ruthless attacks of 527s, those independent groups like the Swift Boat Veterans. It's funny though, those attacks never really materialized.


Well Campbell, you guys in the main stream media pretty much did the 527s jobs for them what with the constant barrage of Obama is a secret Islamofascistcommunohomo-flag burning terrorist coverage you've ALL aired during the past year.

3) And as for this:

The Washington Post pointed out recently that the bad economy has meant a cash shortage among the 527s and that this election year they have been far less influential.


One could blame a bad economy, or one could point out the fact that an overwhelming majority of Americans are starting to realize that the Republican brand of bullshit reeks of sucktastic suckiness, and they're tired of giving their money to asshats like the Swift Boat shit heads. I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying.

4) Ugh...

The courageous among Obama's own supporters concede this decision was really made for one reason, simply because it was to Obama's financial advantage.


You got us there. Obama must certainly be the first and only politician to ever do anything for his own financial advantage...

Un...



Deux...



Trois...



et Enfin...


D'oh!


Crack political analysis, Campbell.

Quick thought (sort of like a Deep Thought by Jack Handy)

I get uncomfortable when my computer starts thinking for itself without letting me know ahead of time that it is going to start thinking for itself.

Monday

I'm Back Bitchez!!!

I took a nice little seven week "vacation" and now I'm back with a vengeance. Give me a few days to get things in order.