Wednesday

"The Bubba Effect"?

Oi!




I'm typing this as I'm watching the clip. Let me say this: At no point in time does the opening statement from the alleged retired Command Sergeant Major make any sense whatsoever. "...[Y]ou see the other Texans and Arizonans that aren't gonna allow to be arrested (sic)...uh...because of the first and second individuals at war. So your second, third orders of effect (sic) are gonna become your Bubbas hunkering down and being anti-government."

What.The.Fuck.Is.He.Talking.About?

I'm done. Thank, God.

Uh. Wow. Ummmmmm...that was weird. Really, really weird. That segment had to be rehearsed at least once before it was shot. Beck's incredulity is just way too disingenuous to be "off-the-cuff".

Brad from SadlyNo! points out what should be obvious but seemingly escapes these Faux News asshelmets:

I just don’t get it.

During Bush’s presidency people like me were called traitors on a fairly regular basis because we didn’t show Bush the proper deference when he’d do some goofy shit like choke on a pretzel. Now we have guys on the teevee that are openly talking about armed insurrection against a democratically elected government and it’s considered the most patriotic and pro-American thing a feller could do with hisself.

This sort of thing doesn’t really offend me because I think most of Beck’s viewers would back down from starting a new civil war once they learned that it would likely lead to Cheeto rationing. But I am amazed at the sheer cognitive dissonance involved in simultaneously believing that it’s treasonous to peacefully oppose an unjustified war but that it’s patriotic to lead an armed insurrection against the government because they want to pay you unemployment benefits. If there’s a weirder political movement than American conservatism, I’ve yet to see it.


I like the chyron at the bottom of the screen when there's only about a minute left. 2014: Survival skills become vital.

Tell me about it. Using my secret time machine, I was able to travel to Beck's post-ObamalypseTM,©1 future and return with video:



The future looks awesome!

1Yeah...I'm trademarking and copyrighting "Obamalypse" as well as any and all variations thereof including but not limited to: "Obamalyptic"

Ouch...

I didn't watch the SOTU or the Redumblican response last night. But if the chatter on the toobz this morning is any indication, it would seem as though LA Governor Bobby Jindal's reply to the President's speech was unsurprisingly shit-tastic. So much so that even some of the cheerleaders were dissin'. Here's a mash up from Think Progress:



I despise Charles a.k.a. "Wheels McDouchebag"* Krauthammer.

*Cf.

Tuesday

Tuesday D'oh!

Kurt Vonnegut wrote in Sirens of Titan "The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart."

Ernie Mannix falls into that category of colossal stupidity - in fact, my instincts are telling me that Vonnegut was referencing Ernie specifically. To wit:

(BigHo Oscar coverage via TBogg)

Oh great now the Mormans are rioting again.

by Ernie Mannix

Thanks for nothing Sean.


I can't figure out how to type characters representative of the sound that came out of my mouth when I read that. A combination of Greek letters and Roman numerals coupled with a few of these things, *&%^$*, might be close.

Monday

Monday Morning "This just made my day" Moment

One of my good friends is traveling to Florida today, and he happened to get shafted with a two hour layover in the Detroit airport. At this point he emailed me this photo of what is apparently former Senator Larry Craig's (R - duh!) new business venture after resigning from the U.S. senate:



I hope things work out for him. My friend that is...Well, I hope things work out for Larry too!

In case you need to refresh your memory, this is Larry Craig:



Yeah...Nobody could have seen that airport bathroom gay sex thing coming.

Thursday

Sweet!

I have a confession. When I stumble across something this farkin' crazy, I get super giddy inside. Like a little kid who is about to get all sorts of candy or toys. I mean really, really silly...If you get bored today, check out this link:

Fixed Earth dot Com

I LOVE IT!!! I've never met someone as scientifically insane as the people who must have authored that site. Consequently, I have a hard believing that such people are even real. I guess that's the downside of being a scientist-in-training (I don't know what's with the work references today...sorry). I'm fascinated just thinking that there are people out there who are this obtuse. For example:

Christians must realize that the Bible teaches a stationary, immovable Earth at the center of the universe with the sun, moon, and stars going around it daily as observed. No more excuses; no more twisting the plain Scriptures because of fear that “science” is right. Just get it in your mind real good that the Bible does teach what the whole world denies, namely, a stationary Earth at the center of the universe.


A-w-e-s-o-m-e. The Bible also teaches that:

- The eating of fat is prohibited forever.

Leviticus 3:17

- People who have flat noses, or are blind or lame, cannot go to an altar of God

Leviticus 21:17-18

- etc...

What else? Ooh! - this one is funny:

Physicists Create Phony Math To Rule Out A Non-Moving Earth


* “The teaching of the self-movement of matter received its full development in the dialectical materialism of Marx, Engles, and Lenin.”29 [Does that sound like “physical science” to you?]


I love the question at the end with the quotes: Does that sound like "physical science" to you?

Uh?

No.

It sounds like a sociological ideology known as Marxism. For Maude's sake the dumbasses even referenced Marx. And for the mother of Pearl, the idea that the Earth is moving had pretty much ceased being debatable long before Marx was born.

I haven't even scratched the surface yet.

I will say that to employ this kind of ridiculous logic seems like it would be fun. I think I might try some later.

Office Space

I rarely (and by rarely I mean I don't think I've ever done this) post about the goings on at my place of work. Mostly because of security concerns, it is just easier not to say anything rather than scrutinize the details of such a post in order to make sure that there is nothing in it that can cause problems.

However, I will say that my office mates and I recently were blessed with the gift of new furniture in the form of cubicles work stations. They are not too bad, and the setting definitely gives the room a much more "office-y" type feeling. In time, I think we will learn to love them.

Anyway, I've noticed a trend as of late that is really starting to make me laugh. There is one person, my adviser's staff assistant, who sends out emails on a daily basis reminding us of the departmental happenings of the day/week. Here's where the "Office Space" moment comes in:

I have my email program set up to check for new messages about every five minutes...I think. As soon as the first email from the assistant comes in, for the next three or four email check cycles, that same frickin' message appears in my inbox, forwarded by other staff assistants to the same list-serve that got the original email. Just this morning, I've been made aware of a seminar cancellation five different times in the last twenty minutes - I got it - No seminar today.

I don't know...I guess it's the new "work stations" coupled with the "groundhog day" style email that makes me feel like any minute now Lumbergh is gonna pop his head around the corner and tell me he's gonna need me to "go ahead and come in on Saturday...Yeeeaaaah."

Wednesday

-------------------

There's no title because I can't come up with anything to describe this clip. I'm speechless. This guy's astonishing idiocy coupled with his batshit insanity should disqualify him from appearing as a representative of anything...

(via Cesca via TPM)



What the hell is up with the GOP these days? Has the pool really gotten so shallow that they have to put morons like Hayworth on the air? They can't find anybody better? Really? There's no vetting anymore? WTF? They don't sit these guys down before the interview and say, "Okay J.D., remember now...you're going on national television so hold off on the coo-coo for cocoa puffs rant until after the little red light on the camera goes out"? They don't tell these guys that?

I don't get it. Everyday it's taking less and less creativity to make fun of these people. In this instance, it takes no creativity whatsoever. It's becoming frustrating to a certain degree.

I would like to sit down with this dude, watch this clip, and ask him what he thinks about his performance. I just don't see how anyone, even in their "right" mind (yep, pun intended), could think that his exchange with Matthews was anything more than shamefully embarrassing.

I have so many questions and so little time...

Che sara.

Not Effin' Good Enough

Via C&L comes this story about the infamous torture letters and the Bush-appointed attorneys involved in making the decision to encourage allow "harsh interrogation methods". The following was written by Michael Isikoff for Newsweek. I haven't read it yet but this (updated) selection really stuck out:

...[S]ome former Bush officials are furious about the OPR's initial findings and question the premise of the probe. "OPR is not competent to judge [the opinions by Justice attorneys]. They're not constitutional scholars," said the former Bush lawyer. Mukasey, in speeches before he left, decried the second-guessing of Justice lawyers who, acting under "almost unimaginable pressure" after 9/11, offered "their best judgment of what the law required."


Sorry, Charlie. But that shit don't fly in the U.S. of A. Maybe in your warped little neocon vision for the country such excuses are acceptable, but unfortunately for you, you all are held accountable to the same laws as the rest of us.

As I see it, these guys don't get a free pass just because they made their decisions under "unimaginable pressure". At that level of government, every decision is made under extreme circumstances - so spare any "legally insane" metaphors. If these lawyers weren't prepared to deal with such situations in a rational, law-abiding fashion, then they should have never been appointed to such high positions in the first place.

Tragically, their "best judgment" sucked, as did the best judgment of nearly every other Bush appointee. Just because you make a decision based on your best judgment doesn't alleviate you from any responsibility when it turns out that said decision was the polar opposite of right.

In terms of Mukasey having "decried" the second guessing of Justice attorneys: BOO-HOO and TOUGH SHIT - The whaaambulance is on the way. Again, we don't live in the authoritarian nation-state that you frequently masturbate to. Thank God not everyone in this country blindly accepts what you tell them at face value and goes on about their business. And thank God there was another group of individuals who refused to act so ignorantly two hundred and thirty years ago.

What does it say about the state of our nation when we impeach a president for lying about oral sex, but have to walk on eggshells any time we even bring up the notion that someone needs to be held accountable for the torture and illegal imprisonment of so many people?

Monday

Monday Stuff

Sorry the posting has been a little light lately. Not that anyone actually reads this stuff anyway. I've been busier than hell the past few week. On the other hand, I didn't have all that much to say anyway. Nor do I today...

Here is the link to this week's Top Ten. John McCain gets the number six slot, and in case you're wondering, he's still a douche.

I should really start reading things before I post about them or link to them. Because Faux News' number eight slot on the list is too precious not to post:

During the February 10 edition of Fox News' Happening Now, co-host Jon Scott claimed that "the Senate is expected to pass the $838 billion stimulus plan -- its version of it, anyway. We thought we'd take a look back at the bill, how it was born, and how it grew, and grew, and grew."

In tracking how and when the bill purportedly "grew," Scott referenced seven dates, as on-screen graphics cited various news sources from those time periods. However, all of the sources and cost figures Scott cited, as well as the accompanying on-screen text, were also contained in a February 10 press release issued by the Senate Republican Communications Center. One on-screen graphic during the segment even repeated a typo from the GOP document, further confirming that Scott was simply reading from a Republican press release.


Fair and balanced. We report...you decide! The "No Spin" zone. Hannity's America! Yeah, we suck!

Fox News has become the kid whose too dumb to even change the title and a few words around when he's copying another kid's book report. Hah! Fuck off, Fox News. No seriously, I'm being as sincere as Dick Cheney when I say,"Go fuck yourselves!"

And apparently the RNC's collective IQ isn't too off from that of Fox News. Here is a cute little Valentine's Day card that their comedic geniuses came up with:



Ehhh...Yeah. So the RNC has taken on a character of its own: That embarrassing family member who makes really inappropriate jokes that everyone just either pretends not to hear or half-chuckles at while looking at each out of the corner of their eyes. All the while he is punching you in the shoulder while laughing hysterically and your like, "Yeah - heah, Uncle Bob...that was real funny man" while thinking, "Dude, don't laugh too hard or you'll encourage him to make another horribly horrible awful joke." but to no avail because Uncle Bob needs no encouragement. His nature, nay his raison d'etre, is to suck the funny out of any and all situations.

Congratulations, RNC. You have become and will now and forever remain "Uncle Bob, Black Hole of Funny."


Here is a link to really good news regarding gas prices and my take on CNN Money's analysis:

But since gas prices slumped to a low of $1.616 per gallon on Dec. 30, they've jumped more than 20%. At their current rate, prices could easily eclipse $2 per gallon.

This is occurring as crude oil prices are trading well below $40 a barrel.

"I think what you're seeing now is a backlash of a period, from the end of the summer until the end of the year, when refiners were selling gas into the consumer market at a discount to crude oil," said Ben Brockwell, director of data pricing for OPUS.


He's probably right. I would have been more inclined to add more to that statement though...something along the lines of (my addition in italics):

I think what you're seeing now is a backlash of a period, from the end of the summer until the end of the year, when refiners were selling gas into the consumer market at a discount to crude oil, and it is the perfect example of insatiable human greed combined with fallaciously regulated capitalism to form a parasitic life form who, in its thirst for more and more, will ultimately end up killing itself by killing its host economy first.


That's what I would have said.

Tuesday

Oh, Thank God!

We can finally have some closure regarding the Patrick McDermott disappearance back in 2005 thanks to CNN's crack investigative reporter, Nancy Grace. I'm just glad to see this story attracting the kind of comeuppance it has so sorely been lacking. It truly does merit the top news story slot on CNN's home page.



This is the kind of reporting that makes me wish I could just block access on my computer to all the other web pages in the world except CNN. With investigative journalism on such hard-hitting cases as this, why bother with other news sources? Just try to imagine the kind of resources one must need to write such a dispatch, not to mention the keen sense of presence one must have to dig up a story about a missing B-list-celebrity-dating, lighting technician who went missing after a fishing trip four years ago. Honestly folks, you're not going to get this kind of super insight from Reuters:

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Former lighting technician Patrick McDermott, best known as Olivia Newton-John's boyfriend of nine years, mysteriously disappeared July 1, 2005.

Olivia Newton-John and Patrick McDermott were together for nine years. Then he disappeared.

He wasn't on board the fishing boat "Freedom" when it returned to shore in San Pedro, California, after an overnight excursion.


This is what those of us in the biz call "the hook". You see how they did that? "He wasn't on board the fishing boat 'Freedom' when it returned to shore..." I'll bet you're all like, "Whaaa? Huhhh? Well then where the hell was he if he wasn't on board a single obscure fishing vessel returning to a port town that I've never heard of?"

Don't worry, CNN has got the lede:

McDermott was seen boarding the vessel that evening with his fishing gear and a duffle bag. The 22 passengers and three crew members on board gave conflicting reports about his whereabouts both during and at the end of the trip.

Police have determined that McDermott did indeed board the vessel, fished with the others and socialized on the boat both on June 30 and the next day, July 1.


Fishing gear A-N-D a duffle bag? A fuckin' duffle bag, people!!! This is why CNN is the tops. Now I'm sitting here speculating as to what a man who is about to embark on a multi-day fishing trip would be doing boarding a boat with his tackle AND a duffle bag. You might be quick to assume the obvious: That the bag had a change of clothes in it. But this is Patrick Fucking McDermott were talking about here, lighting technician and apparent criminal mastermind. For all we know he could have had a million dollars in cash and a collapsible bazooka in there. That's why we must rely on the brilliance of organizations as CNN.

However, the witness accounts conflict about what happened as the boat neared shore on the afternoon of July 1. No one is quite sure when they last saw McDermott in the last 30 minutes of the voyage.

McDermott paid his bar and kitchen tab, which consisted of two hot dogs and a Coke, a kitchen receipt shows. Then he seems to have vanished.


O-MAH-GAWD!!11!!!!1! TWO HOT DOGS AND A COKE! ARE YOU EFFIN' SERIOUS?????!

Who gets two hot dogs and a Coke unless they are completely up to something? I'll tell you who: EVIL GENIUS LIGHTING TECHNICIANS - That's who!

Some witnesses told police they thought they saw McDermott get off the boat when it docked and walk toward the parking lot, but they cannot be sure it was him.


No doubt. If McDermott is half as smart as I'm starting to think he is, he had probably already performed several facial reconstructive surgeries on himself to throw his fishing companions off by this point.

Ten days passed before relatives began a search for McDermott. They first became alarmed on July 6 when he didn't show up for a family gathering.


That's a reasonable time to wait before filing a missing persons report...NOT! Don't you see, his family is in on it too - they're nothing more than a band of evil lighting technicians gypsies who sole purpose in life is to fake each others accidental fishing boat deaths. This is what they do, people. WAKE UP!!!

Relatives found his car still parked at the San Pedro Marina where he'd left it when he boarded the fishing vessel.

Investigators then discovered McDermott had left personal items on the boat, including his wallet. As police looked into his background, they learned that McDermott had been facing a mountain of debt, including being ordered by a court to pay back child support payments for his 15-year-old son from a prior marriage.

A Coast Guard investigation concluded that he was "most likely drowned at sea." But some people believe he may be alive.


AWW SHIT...THE FRICKIN' GOVERNMENT IS IN ON TOO! This is so much bigger than I thought. This is the new 9/11 conspiracy and CNN broke the story. There will be Pulitzers for years to come from this one. I wouldn't be surprised if Obama creates a new Office Of Missing Lighting Technician Gypsies and appoints Nancy Grace to head the division.

Also, "some people believe he may be alive." 'Some' people? We all know what that means. (???)

Investigators have theorized that McDermott may have staged his death to escape financial pressures.

Since McDermott disappeared, there have been hundreds of supposed sightings of him in Mexico.


Again, CNN has set a new mark for investigative reporting. You see how they just say "Investigators have theorized..." and leave it at that. No need for citations, references, or quotes. This shall be come the new standard for journalistic integrity. Watch how it will work...

Some scientists theorize that monkeys will fly out of my ass and into outer space where they will link up with the droid mothership where they will all begin making the final preparations for the upcoming Butt-droid monkey Invasion war, set to commence December 21, 2012 at the stroke of midnight.

The Coast Guard, the lead investigative agency, says its case is closed. It found no evidence to support or disprove criminality or foul play in the McDermott disappearance.

"We spoke to dozens of witnesses on that vessel and we concluded any reported sightings of McDermott getting off that boat after it docked were not credible," said Scott Epperson, a Coast Guard spokesman in Long Beach.


Why is the Coast Guard helping to cover up this most heinous lighting technician disappearance? What are they getting out of this? Who benefits the most from McDermott's disappearance: the lighting technicians guild or the gypsies? Thanks to the awesomeness of CNN, these questions can finally start to find some answers.

UPDATE: Here's a photo from a recent suspected sighting of McDermott and his evil gypsy criminal butt monkey droid cohorts:

Monday

Untitled...

Glen Beck doesn't deserve the mental effort it would take me to come up with something that comes even close to remotely describing his profound douchebaggery. This clip is from Thursday's show (I think...since Beck's histrionics have crossed the invisible threshold between typical right wing nuttiness into a full time onslaught of bat shit insanity, it's kind of hard to distinguish one night from the next).



If that video is not convincing enough for you, check here.

Friday

Friday Awesome!

I received this email from a friend of mine earlier this morning. I would be remiss not to mention that he grew up in France, and the poem was sent to him by his mother, who is in France. You know...France. The country that forced the courageous D.C. culture warriors to rename French Fries "Freedom Fries" and French Toast "Freedom Toast" after they wouldn't help us invade a nation that had nothing to do with anything...Cause nothing shows another country that it better not fuck with American resolve like an Act of Congress officially changing the name of foods that don't even really come from said country in the first place.

Here is the poem, sonnet...whatever it is, it's cool...Thanks, Pat (definitely half-French):

Be happy, dear hearts, and allow yourselves
a few more weeks of quiet exultation.
It isn't gloating, it's satisfaction at a job well done.
He was a superb candidate, serious, professorial
but with a flashing grin and a buoyancy that comes
from working out in the gym every morning.
He spoke in a genuine voice, not senatorial at all.
He relished campaigning. He accepted adulation gracefully.
He brandished his sword against his opponents
without mocking or belittling them.
He was elegant, unaffected, utterly American,
and now (Wow) suddenly America is cool.
Chicago is cool. Chicago !!!

We threw the dice and we won the jackpot
and elected a black guy with a Harvard degree,
the middle name Hussein and a sense of humor
he said, "I've got relatives who look like Bernie Mac,
and I've got relatives who look like Margaret Thatcher."
The French junior minister for human rights said,
"On this morning, we all want to be American
so we can take a bite of this dream unfolding
before our eyes." When was the last time you heard
someone from France say they wanted to be American
and take a bite of something of ours?
Ponder that for a moment.

The world expects us to elect pompous yahoos,
and instead we have us a 47-year-old prince
from the prairie who cheerfully ran the race, and
when his opponents threw sand at him,
he just smiled back. He'll be the first president in history
to look really good making a jump shot.
He loves his classy wife and his sweet little daughters.
At the same time, he knows pop music,
American lit and constitutional law.
I just can't imagine anybody cooler.

It feels good to be cool, and all of us can share in that,
even sour old right-wingers and embittered blottoheads
Next time you fly to Heathrow and hand your passport
to the man with the badge, he's going to see
" United States of America " and look up and grin.
Even if you worship in the church of Fox ,
everyone you meet overseas is going to ask you about Obama,
and you may as well say you voted for him because,
my friends, he is your line of credit over there.
No need anymore to try to look Canadian.


Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Wednesday

I'm getting kind of tired of typing such things, but...

...Andy Card: Go Fuck Yourself!

I found that Ronald Reagan and both President Bushes treated the Oval Office with tremendous respect. They treated the Office of the Presidency with tremendous respect. And some of that respect was reflected in how they expected people to behave, how they expected them to dress when they walked into the symbol of freedom for the world, the Oval Office. And yes, I'm disappointed to see the casual, laissez faire, short sleeves, no shirt and tie, no jacket, kind of locker room experience that seems to be taking place in this White House and the Oval Office.


I'm too young to really comment on Our Conservative Lord and Savior, Ronald Reagan, and Daddy Bush, but I endured eight long years of insufferable, fucktastic dumbassery just like the rest of you when it comes to W. Consequently, I think I'm justified in getting moderately irked when asshelmets like Card say profoundly absurd things like, "And yes, I'm disappointed to see the casual, laissez faire, short sleeves, no shirt and tie, no jacket, kind of locker room experience that seems to be taking place in this White House and the Oval Office."

I don't even know why this bothers me anymore. It's so typical of the kind of staggering bullshit I've come to expect from these neo-con shit-for-brains. What bothers me is that there are still those in the media who lap this kind of nonsense up like a dehydrated dog, and feed it back to the masses verbatim, giving the public the impression that a sniveling ass-kiss like Andy Card still peddles real influence outside of the Wednesday Night Neo-con Circle Jerk meeting.

Maybe this is a good thing. If Card is disappointed by something he sees going on in the White House that should probably bode well for the rest of humanity. That's a tough concept for Card and his cronies to grasp: That they are not some human demi-god overlords who can do whatever they want anymore, and just because they don't like something doesn't automatically make it a bad thing. In fact, it could be a good thing. I don't like standing on the surface of the sun, but I'll capitulate that the sun is kind of a good thing.

That's a horrible analogy. I'm done. You get the point.

Warrior Lamb

I'm not sure why, but I'm enthralled by this picture...

(via The General)



Yeah, that's Jesus wearing a boonie hat, packing what looks to me like a CZ (Czech Scorpion) 9x19 sub-machine gun sans the folding stock. Who comes up with this shit?

Tuesday

HAHAHA!!!

I know that "blink" tag is annoying but bear with me.Via TBogg comes what I am sure will be the funniest thing I read all week:

When GOP congressional aides gather Tuesday morning for a meeting of the Conservative Working Group, Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher – more commonly known as Joe the Plumber — will be their featured guest. This group is an organization of conservative Capitol Hill staffers who meet regularly to chart GOP strategy for the week.

(snip)

In case you weren’t planning to attend CWG tomorrow morning, you might want to reconsider because Joe the Plumber will be joining us!” Kimberly Wallner, an aide to South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint, wrote in a message to her e-mail list this afternoon.


Uh...Okay, Kimberly...ehhh....I'll see you there. I'll probably be sitting in the back so don't bother looking for me.

If I Were a Democrat in D.C...

...I would tell the GOP to go fuck themselves. Crusted News is reporting that the GOP today unveiled a list of what they deem "wasteful spending" in the Senate version of the $900 billion stimulus bill. Let's see some of the newest entries in the "Things that render this blogger unconscious because they make him instinctively smash his head off his desk to try and make the hurt between his ears stop.":


- A $246 million tax break for Hollywood movie producers to buy motion picture film.


What the fuck does that even mean? It's cool, CNN. Don't elaborate on what that means for Christ's sake - just as long as you work the stale, lame-ass "Look at how the Liberals and Hollywood are secret lovers" meme into an article about what the GOP considers wasteful spending, you've done your jobs.

- $448 million for constructing the Department of Homeland Security headquarters.

- $248 million for furniture at the new Homeland Security headquarters.


Really? No, really?

1,2This is has to be some kind of joke, right? The fucking Grand Ol' Party is going to complain about DHS spending - even if it is for a new headquarters and furniture. If Bush had come up with this idea, Republicans would be fighting with each other over who gets to give W. the first hand-job. Imagine the script was flipped, and the Assholes (GOP) were requesting this money and the Democrats were objecting, you'd have every fucking GOP talking head on TV asking the question, "Why do the Democrats want the terrorists to win?" or "Why do the Democrats hate America?" And don't even try argue that I'm being hyperbolic because you know as well as I do that their decrying would probably be worse than that.

- $400 million for the Centers for Disease Control to screen and prevent STD's.


I guess since most GOP'ers already have multiple STDs from all the hookers, they feel like everyone else should have to suffer too.

- $125 million for the Washington sewer system.


I get this one. When the shit starts backing up onto the Capitol steps, the GOP can blame it on the Democrats, and this time they can really rally the troops because they'll have pictures of piles of shit to show them instead of just fancy talkin' wurds.

- $75 million for salaries of employees at the FBI.


ibid1.

- $200 million for public computer centers at community colleges.


Community colleges have long been hotbeds of liberal activism.

- $500 million for flood reduction projects on the Mississippi River.


You'd think they'd learn the lesson about flood prevention. But we are talking about the same people who thought Sarah Palin was a good idea.

- $6 billion to turn federal buildings into "green" buildings.


Well, if it has the word "green" in the proposal and it doesn't involve stealing taxpayers money or dumping toxic waste on endangered species the GOP is generally opposed to it.

- $500 million for state and local fire stations.


ibid.1,2

- $1.2 billion for "youth activities," including youth summer job programs.


The GOP already has jobs lined up for America's youth as soon as they get the selective service age down to 12 years old and reinstate the draft. Thus negating any need for "'youth activities,' including youth summer job programs." Any younger than twelve and the GOP will concede that children are not strong enough to be cost effective worker-fighters.

- $88 million for renovating the headquarters of the Public Health Service.

- $412 million for CDC buildings and property.

- $500 million for building and repairing National Institutes of Health facilities in Bethesda, Maryland.


GOP: "Why do the Democrats hate germs and diseases so much?"

- $100 million for reducing the hazard of lead-based paint.


GOP: "Why do the Democrats hate lead?"

- $200 million in funding for the lease of alternative energy vehicles for use on military installations.


Fat fuckin' chance of that one ever making it. Not when Halliburton is buying GMC trucks for the dirt cheap price of $85,000 a piece and then torching the trucks as soon as they get a flat tire. I'm serious...check that link out.

I say this a lot but it's getting repeated now: This would all be really fucking funny if it wasn't so nauseatingly tragic.

Monday

Nope.

Oi Vey! This is just awful (via Attaturk):



You can get that for only $250 on ebay. Seriously. That's not that bad a price for a picture that looks eerily similar to the way I imagine myself while in the loo, taking a dump.

UPDATE: One more thing...Redumblicans...this guy is not a good party representative. Your not even making it hard any more, dammit.