Saturday

The Turd Burger Axiom

I need to get this on record once and for all: There are certain things - foods, activities, movies, etc. and so on - that I'm pretty sure I won't like based on my past experiences, and therefore, I do not make any attempt to experience such things. Doubly so, I despise others' attempts to get me to try said things despite the fact that I have said "no" more than once. You know what I'm talking about. "Oh c'mon...how do you know you won't like it if you've never tried it?"

To that I shall from this day forward reply with this:

"Well, ok. I'll try [whatever it is] if you come over to my house tonight for turd burgers. What is a turd burger you ask? A turd burger is just like a hamburger, but instead of ground beef, I will be grilling up some freshly shat poop. GROSS?? How do you know? Have you ever HAD a turd burger? How do you know you won't like it if you don't at least try it?"

This is the "Turd Burger Axiom".

I will stipulate that you will not like a turd burger based on your past experiences with poo regardless of how awesome I might think turd burgers are if you will stipulate that I will not like [whatever "it" is] based on my past experiences regardless of how awesome you think it is.

And then we will both understand that we all like and dislike different things and that's okay. I don't have to like something that you like and you don't have to like something that I like.

And the Universe is back in harmony once more.

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